Keep Wearing Wedding Band? [Thread #5]

[ForGump]

I began discussing custody, alimony and property with my W tonight via email. I think we are likely on the same page about custody. Property too, because neither of us is particularly materialistic. I don't know about alimony, yet.

I want it to feel OK about doing this. It doesn't feel catastrophic. So that's good. Or not. I don't know. Previously, I felt horrible about it because my feelings always focused on what it meant for the kids. Now, I don't feel my emotional focus going there, which I feel guilty about. If I focus on my kids, I will become distraught. But it feels like my brain, my body, is able to be more selfish, to be focused more on me, how I need to feel. How dealing with my BPD/MLC/WW has just worn me into the ground. I feel numb.

In a way, I feel like I have failed my kids. But I also feel like I have given all that I can, all that I am able to give.