MLC? Let it Be.

[LiveNow]

Hi everyone -- I thought I'd come back and see just how long it's been since I've posted. It's over a year now! Take heart - there is lots of life to live after you get yourself through this very tough time. I'm in my new house (hardly new now -- I just passed the one-year mark!) and I love it. It's mine, and it's hard sometimes to make all my own decisions with home maintenance, etc., but I'm figuring it all out. And I'm lucky -- the homeowner just before me (this house was built in 1968) did a whole bunch of major upgrades, and then sold it to me! New roof, new windows, new AC, etc. So, things are holding up well. But, alas, fall has arrived, and it feels like it today, after a long, lovely, hot summer here in the midwest. So I need to think about furnace tune-up, snowblower maintenance, how to cover up my attic fan, fall cleanup outside, etc.!

Anyway, I was prompted to write because I actually got an e-mail the other day from my XH, letting me know he is retiring at the end of this month, at the age of 57. (We've had no communication since our finances wrapped up, about a year ago.) Says he doesn't know what's next for him, but he hated his job, hated going in every day, most of his friends have also retired or moved on. He was there about 15 years, and he must have hated about half of those years. I know because I listened to the same complaints day in and day out for a very long time. I'm convinced his unhappiness in his career had more to do with his MLC than I first thought. Seems he still is in that tunnel somewhere, and I'm fairly certain he is not regularly going to counseling. I could be wrong about that, but I would think he would have retired sooner if that were the case. He has spent the past 3 years playing boyfriend and 'dad' to someone 17 years younger and her two very young children, and has avoided his real life. He has avoided his real life. I'm thinking now he will really have to face himself and fix whatever's wrong on the inside -- he will have plenty of free time for that!

As I'm typing this, something just dawned on me: he has been unhappy for so long, so he removed what he thought was making him so unhappy (me), and he was still unhappy. So now, it must be the job -- if he leaves his job too, then he will be happy, right? Oh boy. Wow. Guess what, XH? It's inside. When will he figure that out?

So we went back and forth a couple of times via e-mail. I told him I love my house, love my new town, and that I hope he finds something worth doing. I also sent him a link to a video on YouTube - 'Cool Change' (Little River Band), which just happens to be full of inspirational quotes (never mind the spelling errors!). He thanked me for that - followed by an exclamation point!

So interesting. I just observe from afar now. I can't believe I spent over 20 years with this person - and I NEVER see him now. It just seems so strange. But there are many, many days that go by that I'm just too busy to think about him or us. I'm much more interested in what this weekend's plans are with my friends. I've met some very nice men (nothing serious yet -- am I really ready???), so, yes, there are some out there! And there seems to be a large pool in my age group (early 50's). Midlife!

Oh, and here's a little perk: his retirement means I'll start getting my half of his pension starting 10/1. :-) I just got a little raise.

Meanwhile, I'm working hard, staying healthy, and having fun. And I remain ever grateful to all those who did their part in helping to get me here, including this board. Better times are indeed ahead, folks. My tattoo on my arm (that I got about 2 years ago, about the time XH filed) reminds me to 'Let it be' (whatever 'it' is). Funny...my CEO at work saw it for the first time the other day, and said he really liked it. :-D

My very best wishes to all of you on this board, fighting to get through this mess. Keep reading here -- so many helpful people, each and every one.

-- LiveNow