Cherry.Papers filed "am I making a mistake".focus!

[PsySara]

I struggled with the decision to let WH be there. I am going to be brutally honest, I wish I had barred him from the room. He sat across the room the entire time and mostly looked at his phone. He barely said anything to me and was quite distant and cold. It was embarrassing because the doctor and nurses were staring perplexed at him. It was like I was the cheater and giving birth to someone else's child. It was just bizarre. Instead of me being able to focus on childbirth (and my heart condition that the affair caused made the delivery very high risk) I was busy acting cheerful and chatty so they wouldn't think I was upset. And it was just that, an act. He was even worse to me after the birth, extremely cold and sometimes rude. I was postpartum and very emotionally vulnerable and this was when I became suicidal.

Looking back I wish I had flown in a relative to take care of me and sent back to his work state. Having him around while he was still in the fog was not good for me. He had said he wanted to be there but I should have forbid it.