Still alive, still need guidance.

[sandi2]

I think the biggest mistakes LBH's make at this point, is thinking that the WW will return to the M b/c the A ended. Which, it is way too early to know if it's really ended.

To answer your concern about how to interact with your W, I would say to step with caution. You cannot afford to really open up and allow her to see your true feelings......not yet. She is temp checking, and will probably continue temp checking as long as OM is away. She may, or may not, be considering returning home. IMPO, I think it's a good thing that she's getting her own place. I am very suspicious of women who jump from one man's bed into another's bed, and then rinse & repeat.

You understand that "if" she really ends it with OM, that she'll go through withdrawals, right? And, if she is not informed of how affair withdrawals work, she's going to confuse her cravings to contact OM as loving feelings. Don't underestimate how strong those cravings can get. I think in most cases I've read, that depression usually sets in during the withdrawal period. If she's serious about dumping OM, I hope she'll have healthy support. This period could last for weeks or months.

That leads me back to you. When you speak with her, don't show her too much excitement about her leaving OM's house. Just maintain being Steve McQueen cool (not cold). Some WW's get very skittish if they see their H getting excited over the prospects of her ending an A to mean she's going back to the M.

It's kind of a delicate place for you at the moment. It will be so easy for you to overkill when interacting. I suggest when she contacts you, to be nice but don't put any emotional pressure on her. Pursuit will cause her pressure. Every day you need to give yourself a pep talk about not pressing her. Don't tell her what she needs to do about her new place, or anything else.....unless she honestly asks for your advice. Let her do most of the chit-chat and you validate. I believe validation will be needed to encourage her to not fall back. Again, just don't overkill. I see H's here who overkill with the validation and the W KNOWS he is being fake.

If she gives you a place to say something encouraging, then do it. Just don't run tackle her to do it. Compliments are good, if not overdone. W's can see through those, too. And, women like to hear compliments about something other than their looks (not that they don't like that, too). I'm just giving some clues, while interacting. This is all considering she stays on task of moving out of OM's life. It's very important that you do these as though you are Steve McQueen cool, and not some desperate guy trying to get laid.

You need to keep your emotions and hopes in check when interacting with her. Do not take any of her chit-chat seriously. That needs to be what she sees in you when she's talking just to be talking. You are just laid back and being cool. Stay on guard at all times, or she'll hit you with something that totally catches you unprepared.

If she's crying, upset, or whatever, be extra on guard.

I will stop here, since it's gotten long. When we know more about what she's doing, we can give you more.