For now, being friends is to try to have positive interactions with him to reconcile. No, I don't think I could handle him with other women if/when that time comes.
That's what I was wondering about maybe having him or me move out, it seems like now he gets a wife at home to care for the house work and pets but still gets to live like a single frat boy again. It isn't fair, and he isn't appreciating me or missing me. He wants to live in our house with me for the next 2 years while he's in grad school. Just feels like hes taking advantage of me this way.
(((csabo))) This is so hard. Do you have a support system in place right now? Do you have a IC or friends and family to help you through this?
This is your life and your M, so you need to think about what is comfortable for you. If your only goal of friendship is to win him back, and that doesn't work, then what will this "friendship" look like? Something to really think about.
I don't think most women would want to live with their H as a roommate while he is off pursing other women and actively cheating. Then he comes home and has the benefit of hanging out with W, a home, perhaps her cooking, cleaning, and paying bills? And you will support him for 2 years in grad school while he is acting like a single man but still married to you? Are you okay with that?
Keep in mind that when you come here, you are going to get different opinions and advice. We have all had different things work and not work in our own sitches, but ultimately if has to feel right to you. There is another poster here who got advice from her DB coach to have more of a friendship with her H, and it created too much pain and anxiety for her as he had just picked up and left her and her daughter. It only took a week for her to realize how hard that would be.
Perhaps your DB coach knows things that we do not. What else can you share with us? Perhaps the goals with a WAH are different than a WH? I am no expert but I do know as a woman who had an H that DID come back, he had to move out and experience life without me to see what he was losing. I believe that women need to be strong and draw firm boundaries to she H that we deserve respect if they want to be or live with us. There was no way that I could handle H living with me while he was with or pursuing OW. As soon as that was his reality, and he wasn't committed to me, he was out.
So please, please think about what is comfortable for YOU! Hopefully a vet can chime in so you can get some better perspectives.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
