WW Starting to talk again. Not sure if I want her.

[Surfer]

Well after last weeks major wobble I am back in steady mode. It's strange how you can be totally happy and accepting of everything. Happy with yourself and your life and a little switch gets flicked. Usually by someone else's words or actions and the 'fear' of the situation takes you on a very unpleasant journey. I will no doubt experience this again, but as of now I have peace again. There were times when I was literally unable to function - I am glad they have gone.

So where am I in my story. I guess I am in a place where my W and I can spend time in each other's company without feeling the need to run for the hills. I see her and the kids every day during the week (she drops them and I take them to school). They stay every Weds and every other Friday - Sunday. Custody is a little fluid still but it's okay. The kids are happy and that's the main thing.

I do hope we can reconcile but I am happy as things are too so I have a win win right now.

I am 99.99% sure there is no OM at all. My W is not angry so much now and seems to be calming and becoming more friendly. It's two steps forward one step back, but we are seeing progress. Without any doubt. If that progress results in a better R as separated parents that will do. Because that provides more stability for the kids.

My DB Coach (on my final and 6th session) made it clear to me that whilst saying no to some things (if there you are being dumped on etc) is fine you need to focus on kindness. Because kindness and love will foster better relationship. If you don't improve your relationship you can grow again as a couple. I think this is true. It all feels rather simple at this stage. You can't grow seeds unless the ground is good etc. As you grow you want your Spouse to grow so your lives become intertwined in healthy soil etc. The toxic environment you had before was not good, but this new environment can be.

I am still wearing my ring. My W is not. But that's okay. It's just a ring. My W is still being counselled by her wayward friends but not seem to be spending so much time with them. Although that might be just that I don't hear of it. I hope in time she will tire of them. She may not of course. But if she wants that path then fine.

My W keeps providing me with suggestions for things to do when I have the kids. They often have birthday parties etc, there are also football matches to take them too. For now, I am going along with these suggestions but I do need to forward plan a little more so I can actually fit in a few things that they would like to - it will be a bit of a 180 really. I usually take the passenger role in these things as my W has historically dealt with trips and holidays. I took them away for a little holiday recently and we all loved it so I am going to focus on the next school holidays and get organised.

Sorry I just realised I am ramblng a little and not sure if this helps!

My W booked a theatre event a while ago and took the kids last Sunday - I felt this was fair even though it was 'my weekend' as such. Doing this was kind and in response she has asked if I would like to take the kids somewhere this Saturday 'her weekend' as I have not seen them so much. She suggested the cinema. I am going to take her up on the offer as any chance to spend time with the kids is good. It also gives me a little 'hi' time with my W which is probably good. These tiny good connections help.

I used to spend time mind reading - what is she up to? Why does she not want the kids? It was usually, previously, so she can have time with wayward friends. I am trying not to think like this now. It's nothing to do with me who she takes counsel from. If she is taking it from people that are not genuinely for our M then so be it. That is her poor judgement not mine.

I am going to say yes but not invite her to whatever we do, I think it might be a little early for that - she might well say no and that might pull back 'old feelings for her'. Any thoughts on this?

I am mindful that it's my W's 40th in a month. Her friends will no doubt throw her a party. I will not. That's the role for a H. If we are getting on like we are I may be tempted to send her a card, I didn't acknowledge the anniversary which has just gone. Any thoughts?

Surfer.