Life has changed, and I choose to grow from it.

[roist]

You know I have been wanting to reduce the time I spend on this forum and now you decide to write pages and pages!! Haha.

Unfortunately I don't have time to reply much, but I enjoyed the read and am interested to see where it leads you.

My overall reaction is: "you get knocked down, you get back up". Reading through your latest postings that thought stuck in my head. I cannot elaborate now, but does that make sense to you?

I too have questioned the real level of connection I have had with my W. I too think it was lacking. But going into M we really aren't equipped or prepared.
WWe don't realise how much you really need to invest in a M. So we didn't do the necessary.

That connection is not automatic and now we know not capable of lasting without maintenance. I NOW have a much better understanding of what it takes and one day I will be able to apply this lesson dearly learned. You will too.

I believe too many lbs look back with rose tinted glasses upon their R and that is wrong, even harmful. You are looking back honestly. Follow through on your reflections. But remember you did not cause the downfall of your M. You contributed towards it. Realise the difference. But most importantly project those learnings forward for the NOW and beyond.


Any future R will not be perfect either, but can be built on a better foundation.I liked your recent statement that you believed this was a second chance to have the R you want/deserve. I too believe this. I have choosen to give my W some time to share that with me in the future.

I am not trying to convince you one way or the other. BUT if your W comes out of her fog and is willing to work hard, she will not be the same person she is now, nor the same person as before. You definitely will not be the same person. Maybe now the compatibility does not match, but the future changed versions of ye MAY be the right match.

You cannot know that now. Be patient with yourself. I am still working on parts of me that I thought would be changed a month after this crisis started. but change takes time, especially lasting change.

One last comment/observation.You seem all over the place with your reflections. I do not mean crazy or incoherent, but rather you mention one issue, then before working fully through that one, you have jumped to another. I am a bit like that. I see the whole picture and chip away at all of it at once. Progress is slow but when it clicks together it will be a complete revamp. Most people function better by focusing on one area at a time.

Best wishes

So much for me not spending too much time here. Ha-ha.