Wife wants to "move on"

[ForGump]

Clay-- thanks. I know how difficult it is, as I'm trying to let go of my BPD W. She hasn't had an official diagnosis, as she doesn't want help at all and doesn't like therapists. But her pattern of behavior fits BPD well, along with other co-occurring issues, including a lot of anxiety and some depression. Underneath it all, though, is a very loving, kind and fun person. She always said medical treatment of her conditions would rob her of her personality. I never believed it. She's instead abusing marijuana, which I think does actually affect her judgment and other mental processes.

My IC has said her BPD-based way of loving me could have also made such an impression that it makes the heartbreak doubly painful. I think there a lot of truth that, especially in the beginning of the relationship when a BPD person is rapturous with you, and you fall so hard for her too. Then you fall in love kind of like a BPD person, and less so in a more normal way. The way your W loved you -- when she wasn't exploding in anger at you -- might be one reason it's so hard for you to let her go, even after all the painful ending of your marriage.

Just a thought, from a fellow person touched by BPD...