Cherry.Papers filed "am I making a mistake".focus!

[Cherry]

Surfer, I think I have got rid of the fear of loosing him. I know now this is probably going to happen. Still things like this are quite curious. I'm certainly learning more about R's than I previously knew.

Today I've not quite been as sick which was a relief, so hauled myself into work. Did a few conference calls, and then hid in a quiet area to get some work done (if I'm in my office I get distracted, likewise if I take it home).

Only complaint is my sleep wasn't too great last night, takes forever to get comfy, then my bladder awakens me!

Been researching what new baby things I may need, found myself gushing at little sleep suits and booties! And bought a few pairs of maternity trousers so i can be a bit comfier! My mama keeps telling me I'm so lucky that maternity clothes are so stylish, she tells me tales of her smocks while pregnant with me and my siblings!

I didn't see h for his conversation yesterday, kind of let go of thinking about it. I've heard about the worst I could hear him say. I shall try (not too obviously) to avoid him for a little while!

[Coly23]

Hey Cherry, I'm very jealous that you have been looking at baby clothes!

I remember even 16 years ago that maternity wear wasn't very fashionable. I think Mothercare was the only place that sold decent priced maternity clothes and everywhere else was very expensive!

How has it been in the house? Has H found himself somewhere to live?

[Cherry]

Coly, they make me so broody it's unreal. I really love the newborn stage!

Yeah clothes wise there's a lot of options, most places now stock maternity. I was lucky with my first, tops/dresses I just bought a size up (my sisters hated me that my pregnant size was a size they dreamed of being). But treated myself jeans, skirts and stylish trousers for work, and a few flattering wrap tops.

He has pretty much kept his distance, or I've kept mine. Made sure I've been up and in bed by the time he comes home. He has actually stayed in a little more than usual in the evenings, of course this means nothing so I won't think of it. As far as I'm aware he hasn't, he doesn't seem to go out in his days off at suitable viewing times, like he only goes in the evenings, and no estate agent would be open then. This was going to be something I would bring up when he delivered the conversation he wanted but still hasn't happened, so I haven't approached him to discuss this. But when he does, I'll be sure to tell him I want him to leave. I don't want to go through the d process and enable him to live an easy life at home where everything is paid for.

[Coly23]

Yes me too Cherry, I love the new born stuff!

I remember when I found out was pregnant for D I had just been fitted for a bridesmaids dress for one of my older sister's weddings and I was too frightened to tell her has the style she chose wasn't very forgiving and I knew I would be around 17/18 weeks pregnant on the big day. Turned out okay as I was still able to fit into a size 8 dress!

I think you are doing great distancing yourself from him. Blue says that sort of thing sometimes makes them second guess themselves but as you say who knows what goes on in their heads!!

[Cherry]

Ooh that's good going, that's about where I'm up to now, I'm 17 weeks and still in my 8 stuff.

Distancing myself is more for my sanity and peace right now. I'm feeling a little hopeless about the situation at the moment. I'll be cordial when I do see him, but for now if I can avoid him without making it obvious that that's what I'm doing, I'll go for that. Feeling a little achey the past few days, when I last saw my midwife she quite innocently said "get your partner to give you a nice massage". I've had a nice bath and made my room into a cosy den instead. Lots of cushions to get comfy and some lovely scented candles. Keeping calm and chilled is up there on my list of importance. Been getting some braxton hicks contractions, the midwife thinks it's a bit early (though I'm sure I had them at this point with S) so they want me to keep an eye on the frequency. So keeping calm is absolutely the most important thing

[Phoebe]

Cherry, I think that you're on the right track just laying low for a while and avoiding any further spew. I can't see what he could possibly say in yet another R talk that would be worth your time to listen to. Listen to your midwife and avoid that stressor like the plague.

I'm very happy to see that you aren't going to cave into his ridiculous idea that you shouldn't get a L just because he has one that can do all the work for both of you! What a crock! That is never a good idea. You absolutely need someone knowledgeable involved in the process who is squarely in your corner.


((((((Cherry))))))

[Surfer]

Cherry, glad all seems to be going well on the pregnancy front.

It seems you are going through a calm period with H. This is good and hopefully you will both communicate better during this period.

I think yes the low profile is good, but the kind profile is that which will serve you best I think.

You don't have any work to do other than that. If H wants to view houses, D, move out, it's his roller coaster. You don't need to get on it so don't. My thoughts are that he will try to encourage you into his circus less now. I think he is seeing it isn't working.

So with lots of hard work done all seems much clearer for you I guess and you can be in a happy place.

If you look back to those times when you were so messed up in your head, you really have come a long way. Your S (and B) will be proud of you.

Surfer.

[Cherry]

Grr I wrote a big reply and my iPhone decided to crash and loose it!

Surfer, thank you. I do feel I'm in a stronger place than a few weeks, I hope the little ones would be proud of me! The calmness is absolute paramount to me right now, my health and therefore that of my baby is so important. And I agree, it's totally his journey, I've already told him I will play no part in breaking up the family, so I don't need to tell him this again. I also accept that it's all totally out of my control. So I'll control what's on my side.

Phoebe, thanks for popping by. I totally agree. He's already told me he's filed, and that he's moving. I don't see what else he needs to say, I'm not prepared to be the person he comes to point the finger of blamevat our spew at. I'm not making it look obvious, if I see him I'll be cordial and calm, but if I can avoid contact, I shall.
I also agree on the L front, in any situation, even the smartest person can allow emotions to cloud judgement. Plus I've enough on my plate than deal with a whole heap of paaperwork!

[PsySara]

You are sounding stronger by the day! I am so proud of you taking care of yourself and being the best mom possible to your little ones. Your husband is a fool and I want to come over there and smack him.

[Cherry]

I would quite welcome that! And after that we could sit and sip some tea! Thank you, my little ones and my health are of my upmost priority.

I had a question for you sara, when you gave birth I know your h was in full crisis mode, but was he there? Did he want to be? My h plans to be, but I also have a backup plan incase I don't want him there, or he doesn't want to be there.