Newby here, desperate for some advice (thread 5)

[JRuss]

focus22 -- I have a collection of inspirational quotes I've copied into my journal. I read them all the time, and it does help.

So today, after me trying to get my W to go to MC with me for over two years, and having pretty much given up on it ever happening (and nursing that grievance that someone could BD, want to blow up the family, etc. and never even try MC for even a second), she tells me today that, if I find a "neutral" MC, she'll "go with me".

I'm deeply skeptical that this is anything other than a guilt-reduction box she's checking. In our last R talk, I told her how I was having trouble moving past the anger I feel that we never even had the chance to go to MC and work together on our problems (I know -- a mistake), so I think she's just doing it, as I said, to reduce her guilt ("see -- it didn't work, and I'm justified") and, maybe, to give me some sort of closure. So my first impulse is to say no and that I'm only willing if I get real assurances that she's all in and motivated to build a new relationship.

But then I think it can't really hurt at this point. We are getting a divorce unless something happens to stop the momentum in that direction, and it has 2+ years of built up steam in that direction, with a lot of bad developments recently. Why not go, at least as long as I know going in that it probably isn't going to work a transformation of my marriage? Maybe it WOULD give me some closure and/or maybe it would help her and I get back to a place where we can at least co-parent effectively. And then there I go, also fantasizing a little that, despite being closed to the idea at the outset, the process might work on her a little and start breaking some of the barriers down that she's built.

Any thoughts?