I don't know. I guess I have been down about it lately. I think in the early stages of this, we all put time lines and limits on things. I know I did. "If there is any type of A, I'm out. If he doesn't come back in X amount of time, I'm done. If the EA turns PA, I can't see past that. I'll give it X amount of time. He must do x, y, z. One year. Two years. When all the kids are adults and move out. etc. etc. etc." What does all that mean anyway?
I recall reading too that if a M can survive an A, that it can be stronger than before. Who said that? I'm not sure I buy into it! Lol. This is so hard. On the surface, it appears that we have it all. And there are so many details that I have not included that would make any type of separation or D an extreme hardship on our family. More so it saddens me to even think about that. ... But I still think about the A all the time. It's a weight on my shoulders that never goes away.
I hung out with a dear friend recently who divorced several years ago. She started dating someone last year and things are going well. He is a much better match for her in several aspects and she is happy. They both have their separate homes and there is a significant driving distance, so they can only see each other a couple times a week. Yes, she has to deal with the difficulties of coparenting with XH and some financial constraints. Her XH is also difficult and doesn't communicate well. But she is happy.
So I know that people can D and move on and find happiness with or without another partner in life. I wish I could accept this more and put the A behind me. I want to be with my H and I want my family together. I just feel sad and empty when I start really thinking about it.
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
