Well, had a decent night last night. Some friends from Germany came over and we grilled out and had some great conversations (and I actually ate 2 hot dogs!). W joined us for a large part of the evening and put her happy face on. As soon as they left, she went back to her normal cold/removed self...which is fine. I went to bed around 11, while she stayed up and texted OM until around 1am. I slept almost 5 hours last night which was good. I still can't get over how upset I am that she is texting him all the time. I understand I am supposed to let it go/GAL/focus on me, but man it really "grinds my gears" that she texts him all day and night even while laying in the bed next to me. Anyway, just venting...I can't believe how naive/senseless someone with so much intelligence can be...how does she not see this is such a bad thing to do!!!! It is absolutely mind blowing! No matter how much I read here it is still mind blowing!
Originally Posted By: Coconut
Originally Posted By: Coconut
Personally, next time she brought up OM, I would tell her that I will not be in a three person marriage, and I will not share my life or my bed, with someone having an A. I would tell her she needs to find someplace else to sleep (another room or another house), I would go as dark as possible while still living in same house (you don't have kids so its pretty easy).
lost, boundaries are personal, as they dictate what you personally will and will not tolerate, and depending how important those things are to you, how severe your consequence is for doing those things. With that said, I personally would not put up with her texting OM while around me, and definitely not in my bed.. Just a suggestion, but you could start with my example above and tell her you will not stand for her carrying on an A in your presence, and she needs to find somewhere else to be...
Originally Posted By: lostasf
This is one of the reasons I was so concerned with finding out what actions are available to me if a boundary is crossed after the boundary is stated. I have been following your advice to just go dark with her, but the constant texting is eating me up inside. If I don't do something logical in the relative near future, then I will most certainly do something illogical. My mind and heart simply can't continue on this trajectory. They will eventually fold, and when they do, there is no telling what that outcome will be. There has not and will not be a time that SHE brings up OM..so I can't wait for that. I am truly trying to give myself a few days like you suggested, and I think I can give myself a couple more, but then all bets are off. So it would be wise to have a plan rather than not.
Originally Posted By: lostasf
Yes, I know she is texting him. Not just a guess, I have taken a peak. She is texting her sister at the same time, but DEFINITELY texing him. Matter of fact, I peaked today and saw that there last message between her and OM was at 1:07AM and read "Define Successfully". Now, I can not physically unlock the phone I can only see that by looking from the "recently opened apps" screen.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
