I still can't quote parts properly, but this stuck out to me:
you wish you could get that attitude back where you just don't care
Then you go onto mention you would have just packed up and left if there was kids if it didn't work out.
You don't want to get that attitude back where you don't care. Caring is good. Detachement is often mistaken for not caring anymore. It's healthy to care if this doesn't work out. Apathy is what we wish we could feel sometimes. You want to feel that right now so you don't feel pain. I'm going through a bit of that myself at present. I wish I could feel apathy, but it's not in my make-up and I know it' a good thing.
The difference we have here between not caring if this doesn't work out is that you just need to know you will be fine and you will rebuild your life. But caring is healthy.
