Thank you Ginger for stopping by. yes, someone once told me MIL is the messenger so to control the message. I am in no way shape or form ready to date so. I am definitely going to start moving forward as much as I can. For the past 6 years I have taken care of and put W and D first. It's Cheesyt's time to be first. I'm learning how to do that still but I'm open for it. You're right I am putting too much pressure on myself to enjoy and be happy.
Cadet thank you as well for taking the time to take a gander at my thread! I was so frustrated.
update / journaling. Wednesday, my day with D. As usual W texted asking what my plans were with D and what time I expected to be home as well as let her know when I pick her up from school. Still so curious to know WHY she needs that info. responded kept it short and sweet. not a big deal. Picked D up asked her where she'd like to go to dinner, she picked. We had an appetizer, did some homework. OW signed my D's planner. Every night a parent must sign that the kid did his/her homework say OW's initials on monday...I asked "oh who signed here" D shrugged and said "i dont know" (trying to save my feelings I suppose) I sais "ow eh?" D said "yeah mommy was in the shower and I had to go to bed" Didn't ask too many questions...as OW is NOT her parent, don't know why she signed. Or why D asked her to sign. Whatever, not D's fault. Played cards, then had our dinner. Walked next door for some frozen yogurt. Then headed home. I work for a company that makes clothing we get a credit each year to buy clothes. I had ordered some clothes for D and they were at the house. (had also placed an order in feb for W and myself, that finally arrived as it was this years winter clothing) I ran inside the house, needed scissors to open package so I ran upstairs to my surprise I catch a glimpse of someone out in the deck....OW. I asked W where the scissors were and walked over to the deck. Held out my hand said said "hi I'm cheesyt nice to meet you" OW held out her hand and said "hi, I'm OW nice to meet you to" I turned around and ran back downstairs. W almost slammed the door in my face to mbr. W did not want me to come in, I later found out why. W, D and myself head to D's room to have her try on the clothes. W makes comments about how many boxes, and what else I've got in the boxes. Had D try on gloves, W mentioned how she loved them and asked me if they were like "ours from last year" I said yes they're the new model. I Pointed out the differences. W lingered, asked what else was in the boxes again. I think she was waiting for me to pull out her winter coat...I kept it in it's box (that thing is going back!!!)W left, I cleaned out litter, put scissors back in mbr. Saw OW's clothes neatly folded on my bed. OW looks like a man and dresses like one (not that it matters i know just saying what I saw. COMPLETELY opposite of me. I can rock a dress and heels very nicely. Both my W and I are pretty feminine) OW's duffel bag was there, with some pills. yes I looked to verify and it did have OW's name on them. Walked over to the sink...my deodorant is still here. So is OW's. My toothbrush..yes it's there too in the little toothbrush holder with W's and OW's...weird. W's pillow is on my side of bed, new pillow on W's old side. (I have the matching pillow case that goes to the bed set lol) That is why W slammed the door shut and kept it shut earlier. Didn't want me to see but Idk why. Just curious, not that it bothers me. Wondering wth goes on in that head of hers. W didn't look good and confident as she did on grad day. At any rate, said my good byes to OW and W and ran out the door. Had D come outside with me to spend a few mins / say bye. I am proud to say today was the first time I leave my home and my family and did not cry on the drive to my little basement. Went over to a friends (we can call him FG) It was his birthday today. Dropped off some beer. FG invited me to go to a Gator bar on Saturday for football. Then FG said his friends are going to oktoberfest downtown as well & that we could play it by ear and head to that after the game. Going to be lots of fun because FG makes me laugh and I always have a great time with him. We have what I think is a great platonic friendship. (FG is aware I am married and all that jazz) That will be most of my day Saturday, sunday, nothing planned yet. Need to do some homework and study the later part of the day. Trying to meet MIL for breakfast, As I left something in her freezer and MIL wanted a jacket from my work so I ordered her one and would like to give it to her.
All in all...thoughts...I'm extremely disappointed in the money situation with W. I cannot believe this is the woman I married and trusted. I have officially lost ALL trust for her. Not just that but W does not care to communicate things about D with me (soccer game is just one of a million examples) The more I see her and the worse she looks (oh man this feels weird saying) the easier it is to over look her. does that make sense? I mean it's not like she didn't dress up and wear make up on grad day...i just didn't think she looked great, or like herself perhaps. W is most certainly a different person. Can't help but to wonder how long OW will be around, as W started talking to OM again. Not my problem though. OW and OM and W can knock themselves out...with my toothbrush (LOL!) mainly, Extremely disappointed in my W. I can't say meeting OW shook me up. I held my head high and was light and cheerful. No skin off my back. I know I'll have some more down days, I know I'm not detached or out of the woods. I am glad that slowly but surely I see how lost and wayward my w is. I hope and pray she finds her way, for her sake. quickly. But in the mean time I will move forward and put my best foot forward everyday.
