WHs do come back--Piecing--acceptance & time

[SH_]

Thank you for stopping by.

I welcome all advice, feedback, thoughts and hijacks. I'm not great about posting consistently, but I try and make my way back and read up on folks.

SH, you are correct that not feeling isn't possible, as that would mean that one was just stuffing emotions, and they are bound to resurface in less healthy ways. I actually feel many things but what I mean is lately I don't feel much attraction and love for my H. (that was hard to admit and even brought tears to my eyes)

Like most of you, I want my M. I want my family intact. I recognize that it is also the best thing for our children and our finances. I appreciate the value of being with the same person over time. I don't think that splitting up and moving on to the next person bring people more happiness. I understand that people make mistakes and that he made a terrible mistake. I even understand how this happened.

If all of you in DB land came together and created a list of what the wayward would need to do for the LBS to find forgiveness and have success in piecing, well he is doing it. But, there is a big but. None of that is changing the way I feel.

I am trying to go with my brain and not my heart. I choose each day to do what I believe is the right thing. I think I can accept what happened. But, I just don't know how I will feel over time. There is something I know I will need and want in love. It makes me so sad to say this, but I just don't know if this will work for me in the long run.

-Blu

Blu

Reading this creates a swirl of thoughts and emotions in me right this moment...

I have had these same thoughts running through me with much frequency....

I have fought to suppress them...
Shed some tears as you have just now....
Told my brain that we gotta get it and the heart on the same page...
Tried to suppress the emotions...
Bottle them up....
Tuck them away...
and throw them out....

I have struggled with feelings of guilt, because how can I be at this point after such a short time....
My W, did not cheat on me, nor do anything to me, except leave in a big hurry....
I felt that it was out of the blue, but with each passing day I look back and see signs and red flags popping up for years....
Have I thrown in the towel so soon?
I am still DBing...but is has been for me....and only me....not to bust the d....not since she left....
After she called me the other night, my d18 said I was acting odd...she asked me just out of the blue, "Dad, would you take her back?
I responded so quickly, that I was in shock...
I replied, "No."
"She would have to do to much work for me to even consider it....."
I then paused in my own state of shock as d18 looked at me.....
I then said, "I'll cross that bridge if we get to it." "But for now, I must complete putting myself back together and move forward."

Anyway, there I go again, babbling on.

My point Blu, is that what you share is huge.
I have sensed that you have hinted at this, but you have now expressed it.
And guess what?
This is your right and choice to make.
He did what he did, and is working his way back, but as I read a recent post by job, one of the options is that the LBS has moved on when the WAS/WS returns to reconcile.

I strongly believe, that you are putting in the work and when the time does come, you will know it and you will be able to say with your head held high and all the confidence in the universe...."I have made my decision, and it is......"

Blu, there will be no shame, regardless of that decision.
You have taken time, and put in the work, and even as he has done so as well, by him making the decision he did in the past, that means the next decision is yours....
There is no wrong or right, except, for what ever it is, that you deem is right for you.

((((((((((BlueWave))))))))))