Confused on What to Do 2

[CT1118]

.......really trying to follow. Moving quick here Eagle11. So I read this in your reply to me, please note this one may be tough to read, and also please note, I am highlighting this as a commentary on some things asked of me on my thread by Eric and Mach1:

I don't think my S2 knew what was going on but my S6 did. He was crying and was scared. He knows what is going on. Since that night we have not had any discussions about our future in front of him but the damage was done. If he sees us talking now and it looks serious (even if its not) he will often go up to my W and put his hand over her mouth because he thinks we are going to fight.

Share this w/ s6 30+ years from now when someone asks him why he feels the need to be in control. This is where a need to control begins.

Also, are you familiar with tools of action? Don't answer, I'll tell you - tools of action connect human actors with non-human actors and back to human actors. Your wife's cell phone is a toll in her A (same as if gender roles reversed), your phone/computer/tablet is a tool of action for your spying on her A. You get into your car and follow her car, both cars are tools of action. You get it, now, can you limit time with those tools long enough to get beyond the craving? She can't, no she can't at all - to the MLC, the phone is more valuable than gold. To me, my wife's phone is her A. Yup...perspective dude. I bet you hate that f-ing thing when you see it, don't you?

It is amazing how so many of these stories are the same. It's actually amazing how much my current sitch is to the one I went thru with my W about 8 years ago.

This is me learning: How much about you is currently the same as who you were 8 years ago?

Yep, Confrontation vs. Bo Peep. Only you can decide the best approach for your sitch. It's your life.

This one frustrates does it not Eagle11? He is right tough, the better answers come in this form. There are some old posts here where (if you did) people come to DB for help and then get flooded with vet DB'rs arguing over going straight to LRT or hanging in for love, or standing, or getting tough - its a true nightmare to read, as with each contradicting argumentative post your confused mind is going "yes that's it, no that's it, wait that's it." Someone just saying its your choice is really the better option - Drew is at least acknowledging that there are two choices.

I would suggest they can intertwine and/or get one way for a bit and then go another. I would give you a direct example from my life, but I do not live w/ her and you do, so it may not be right for me to do so, so I won't.