Tell me what to do!!!

[AndrewP]

As for the divorce I don't understand why he is taking so long. I know that he can just go file in our state but he hasn't and I don't understand why.

Zanadoo - slow down my dear (I feel I can call you that since I'm old enough to be your Dad - hope you don't mind). I know you are in full blown panic right now and desperate for answers.

One important thing to keep in mind that was a very hard lesson for us all, me especially I think, is that you can't understand your spouse especially if they are behaving in ways that aren't in sync with how they usually behaved.

One thing I read here is where I think you need to be paying the most attention:

I went from a confident go getter kind of person to a meek little mouse.

I know that his past cheating knocked your spirits down but I need to ask you to think hard about this confident go-getter that he first fell in love with. You need to find that person within yourself again and bring her back out of the shell she's been hiding in.

Part of what is written here is that you need to become a person only a fool would leave. Personally my own opinion is that you need to be the person that you want to be. If you aren't that person right now then you need to make the baby steps and even perhaps big steps that are necessary to get there.

Do you have a support network around you? You live on a farm by what it would seem and I know from personal experience how isolating a rural existence can be. Thankfully these days there's the internet that can connect you to friends and family around the world, even random old codgers like myself.

With respect to his question on why he wants you to file together, that's probably just another way of bullying you around.

Keep in mind that as you walk this journey that there will be a lot of bumps and you might not end up where you want to be but by taking the step of reaching out for help you've done one of the most important things. You've realized that you don't want things as they are and you want them changed and are willing to do the hard work necessary to get there.

I'll just leave you with this little bit - just change the word "muscular" to "confident" in your case.

A farmer's life is full of strife. Thanks be to God I've got a muscular wife

I'll check in on you from time to time. You can do this. Farmers are tough and lady farmers are even tougher.