As for the divorce I don't understand why he is taking so long. I know that he can just go file in our state but he hasn't and I don't understand why. That is my big question. In our state he doesn't need me to agree he can just go do it but yet he hasn't. And he is insistent upon we do it together. I don't understand this. I don't know if he is just lazy or what. Also, is my husband a walk a way spouse or is this a Mid Life Crisis? How do I approach this? In regards to the 180 we haven't really been talking...should I initial conversation or just basically accept that its done and move on with my life?
Me: 27 H: 27 Married: 3 years H left May 2016 Daughter: 3 years old
Why do you think the odds are so bad? I mean I know the odds are bad but its just like in this situation you don't want to hear that ya know? But it is probably the truth. Thanks.
Me: 27 H: 27 Married: 3 years H left May 2016 Daughter: 3 years old
As for the divorce I don't understand why he is taking so long. I know that he can just go file in our state but he hasn't and I don't understand why.
Zanadoo - slow down my dear (I feel I can call you that since I'm old enough to be your Dad - hope you don't mind). I know you are in full blown panic right now and desperate for answers.
One important thing to keep in mind that was a very hard lesson for us all, me especially I think, is that you can't understand your spouse especially if they are behaving in ways that aren't in sync with how they usually behaved.
One thing I read here is where I think you need to be paying the most attention:
Originally Posted By: Zanadoo
I went from a confident go getter kind of person to a meek little mouse.
I know that his past cheating knocked your spirits down but I need to ask you to think hard about this confident go-getter that he first fell in love with. You need to find that person within yourself again and bring her back out of the shell she's been hiding in.
Part of what is written here is that you need to become a person only a fool would leave. Personally my own opinion is that you need to be the person that you want to be. If you aren't that person right now then you need to make the baby steps and even perhaps big steps that are necessary to get there.
Do you have a support network around you? You live on a farm by what it would seem and I know from personal experience how isolating a rural existence can be. Thankfully these days there's the internet that can connect you to friends and family around the world, even random old codgers like myself.
With respect to his question on why he wants you to file together, that's probably just another way of bullying you around.
Keep in mind that as you walk this journey that there will be a lot of bumps and you might not end up where you want to be but by taking the step of reaching out for help you've done one of the most important things. You've realized that you don't want things as they are and you want them changed and are willing to do the hard work necessary to get there.
I'll just leave you with this little bit - just change the word "muscular" to "confident" in your case.
Originally Posted By: AndrewP's Dad's favourite phrase
A farmer's life is full of strife. Thanks be to God I've got a muscular wife
I'll check in on you from time to time. You can do this. Farmers are tough and lady farmers are even tougher.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I'll read through your stream and maybe in the meantime some kind soul will give you some feedback.
Hey doodler! I couldn't find a kind soul so I thought I'd write something. It sounds like you're starting to get to a better place while I'm still floundering around in limbo. I was thinking of you yesterday when picking up fresh-baked peanut-butter cookies from the store. I still think you're right that my W grabbed the ones you made for me and addressed to AndrewP in Canada ....
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
First, I have to say, I seem to relate better with the guys than I do with the gals. I don't really understand gal language.
But, I don't think your husband's problem is MLC. You were married under duress and you were both young. Piaget, a developmental psychologist, identified four stages of developmental cognition. Many people, particularly guys, don't mature cognitively until their early thirties. In other words, they're still adolescents in adult bodies.
Getting married is often scary. Getting married and having a child can be particularly scary. When you mix youth, fear and discontent, it can be a lethal concoction for a marriage.
What to do? I don't know; others are better at that. Certainly you should start applying the DR principles, doing 180s and, if you can, get a DB coach.
Ultimately, you'll have to realize that you can't fix your husband, he'll have to do that. The best you can do is work on yourself and understand that you have the internal fortitude to get through this difficult situation.
And hopefully I've stalled long enough that you've gotten some help from someone that provides better advice than I do.
First, I have to say, I seem to relate better with the guys than I do with the gals. I don't really understand gal language.
But, I don't think your husband's problem is MLC. You were married under duress and you were both young. Piaget, a developmental psychologist, identified four stages of developmental cognition. Many people, particularly guys, don't mature cognitively until their early thirties. In other words, they're still adolescents in adult bodies.
Getting married is often scary. Getting married and having a child can be particularly scary. When you mix youth, fear and discontent, it can be a lethal concoction for a marriage.
What to do? I don't know; others are better at that. Certainly you should start applying the DR principles, doing 180s and, if you can, get a DB coach.
Ultimately, you'll have to realize that you can't fix your husband, he'll have to do that. The best you can do is work on yourself and understand that you have the internal fortitude to get through this difficult situation.
And hopefully I've stalled long enough that you've gotten some help from someone that provides better advice than I do.
Thank you for your reply. I totally agree he has the brain of a teen and is trapped in an older body. I know I can't change him...that is something he will have to do on his own. But I guess with our separation and lack of communication I feel like the 180s I am thinking of won't be enough for him to notice. I'm just freaking out No big deal.
Me: 27 H: 27 Married: 3 years H left May 2016 Daughter: 3 years old
I know I can't change him...that is something he will have to do on his own. But I guess with our separation and lack of communication I feel like the 180s I am thinking of won't be enough for him to notice. I'm just freaking out