I understand your apprehension and concern about what happened Sandi. I don't see this as a R attempt in any way. Life will continue as usual, I'm see myself as the prize.
Tyler, I think my choice of words (toast) is what upset you. I did not mean you are a failure! You have no idea how many guys have said practically the same thing as you were saying about their WW's. Then all she had to do was give him a kiss.........and he would immediately think it meant something other than what it really was. He would be riding a high, just like you've experienced. But at that moment, he would be so hungry for her touch or affection.........he would cave. By saying you were toast, I meant that in the moment, you were ready to have sex or just about anything........b/c she held you in the palm of her hand. She was the one in charge of your high feelings........and it caused temporary imbalance in your thought process.
I fully agree that it was not a R attempt. But, do you know what it was? She was checking your emotional temperature to see if you were still attached to her. She just left one R and wants to see if you are still the backup plan. That's all the kiss was about. At least, on her end. As long as she sees you waiting for her, the less she will be interested in reconciling out of her feelings of love. She may R out of a need for a place to live........but that doesn't work in favor of the H. All he has is a WW under the same roof. That's why I try to tell you to hold out and not take her back too quickly or too easily.
Now she may tell you that she wanted to see if she could feel something when she was kissing you. And, depending on what she wants at the time being.......she may say that the feelings were not there, and she's afraid they won't return.........and use it for an excuse to not commit to being your W again. On the other hand, she could tell you that it caused her to start thinking about returning.........if she's wanting to move back home.
If she goes with the later, I strongly encourage you to be prepared with an answer like, "I will need to think about it". Or, be ready to give her your conditions in reconciling the MR. For example:
Sleep in the same bed (no sex until she has STD test results). Zero contact of any type with OM, or anything that has a connection with OM......for life! Complete transparency with phone messages and all accounts. Drop Facebook ( and other social media, apps, etc.) that have shared friends of OM. Discontinue any affair-friendly apps. Drop affair supportive friends, or bash M/H. Commit to family therapy, and M therapy that deals with R after an affair.
That's a few things to consider. You may want to add something. If she is not willing to commit, or if she starts saying things about privacy, or wanting to start out in separate bedrooms, etc., then she's not ready to truly R. If she is not willing to do these things, then don't take her back. BTW, transparency is set on your terms, not hers. In fact, all these are on your terms. Don't let her con you. These are for her, as much as they are for you. She needs it in order to get through the addiction withdrawals. She needs to take some time to think it over. You both would need some time.
