WW Starting to talk again. Not sure if I want her.

[RosaLinda]

Oh Surfer, I'm sorry you became discouraged for a bit. But you knew this all the whole time, that DBing is for you, to become the best person you can be. DBing gives us our best chance of reconciliation, but it is mainly to keep from becoming bitter depressed people. It's SO easy to get sucked into self pity and anger when the person we loved and trusted the most in the world kick us to the street like a piece of worthless garbage, and usually feel compelled to spread a bunch of lies about us to justify their actions to boot.

I fell for the "MLC lasts 3 to 5 years" lie too. I think my ex's MLC started in 2007, although I did not get the bomb drop until 2009. It'll be 9 years this November, and there is still no sign he is coming out of it yet.

Most LBS here do eventually move on, I think, especially those upon whom divorce has been forced by their spouse. I think most of the LBS eventually get to the point where you are, where they are "done" with their marriage due to their spouse's toxicity. If, as Job says, your wife snaps out of it and does a LOT of work on herself, maybe you will be in an emotional state where you are willing to take her back. Maybe she will not ever do the work to catch up with you. Sad, but quite possible. No matter what the future brings, you will be sane and healthy and strong and healed, and your kids will have their beloved rock of a dad to depend on.

In the meanwhile, I just want to let you know that I think you are awesome. Carry on!