I know that you are hurting and your confidence has been shaken to the very core, but you will pick yourself up, dust yourself off and continue to move forward. Life doesn't stand still for any of us and yes, it's too short to stay stuck in a rut of should haves, could haves, etc.
Right now, it feels like the end of the world to you, but it will get better in time. You have to grieve the loss of the relationship/marriage and you have to feel those feelings and then let them go. Those feelings won't go away today, tomorrow or even 6 months from now because it takes time and something or someone will remind you of the the loss when you least expect it...but as time passes, the pain will lessen.
Sh_ has given you some excellent advice and I would print those postings off and re-read them periodically. We only have control over ourselves and what we do w/our lives, etc. WE have no control over anyone else and that's why you need to let her go. She needs to grow up and she can't do it as long as she is focusing on you and fighting for the marriage.
Many times, after a divorce, the person who walked away will eventually settle down and become civil again. The first 6 months is a euphoric stage for them because they now are free of accountability, responsibility and the chains of the relationship...but once that feeling falls flat, they come to realize that life is still the same as it was when they were married, i.e. bills to pay, jobs to work, etc. Eventually, they come to realize that we weren't the issue that caused them their pain...but again, this takes time.
There is always a 50/50 chance that things could turn around. There are various scenarios that could play out in any situation that is on any of the forums and they are: 1) the spouses opts to try to reconcile w/the LBS, but the LBS has moved on and doesn't want any part of a reconciliation; 2) the spouse decides that it's too much work to try to reconcile and decides not to attempt a reconciliation; or 3) both parties decide to give it another chance and they reconcile, i.e., some are happy as clams and others realize after a period of reconciliation that they have changed to the point that the reconciliation isn't going to work. But, no one can predict what the future will hold for any of us here.
qt, keep the focus on you, it's going to be one step forward, two steps back for quite a while. I am going to suggest that you make a list of things that you would like to do such as hobbies or things that you've put aside for a long time because of being married. This list will help you start planning your GAL activities.
We are here to listen, offer advice and guide you along the path. No one can predict the outcome of your situation. Bottom line, you and only you can control your life and how you want to move forward and be the best that you can be.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
