Life has changed, and I choose to grow from it.

[SH_]

Emotions come and go. Putting names to them helps to figure out what your brain is doing - we call them feelings. My counselor always asks 'What are you feeling today?' - he taught me what names I can put emotions to, so that I understand the emotion, and also can articulate WHY I felt that emotion.

If I follow my emotions, like my EX-WW, I will find cheeseless tunnels, row after row. I must stand by my BELIEFS, as anchors for my battleship at sea.

Knowing your feelings is like adding masts to the ship - I can raise and lower more sails - and batten down the hatches when times get tough, or raise more sails to put some distance on my route (aka - this feeling is GREAT! I want to be like this for a while longer!) My emotions will continue, but now I can CHOOSE to react (usually a bad idea) or make a calculated response... or no response at all.

My response is my responsibility. If you tell me that your response to your emotions is involuntary (hitting a wall, screaming, crying), it means you're letting the tail wag the dog. My response is my responsibility, always.

Another key - knowing your feelings, and articulating them, means you can share them with others! Example: "Hey, I had a great time with you, you made me feel really special - thank you!"

I used to believe people could read my mind - and understand I was happy or sad. People can't. Many blogs I read about Married life repeat that you can't mind read. SO true. Big mistake on my part with my EX-WW. But telling us NOT to mind-read is only a quarter of the way to helping the situation. You must learn how to tell people how you're feeling, not through involuntary reactions to emotions, but articulating them through descriptive words, naming them as feelings. That's another 25%; then the other half is finding courage to tell those we love how we feel, and also demonstrating how we feel (love) through actions... not just words.

I have learned much in the last year. I pray my EX-WW will someday learn the same. I truly pray for her every day. I can't change her, or how she feels. I can't even try to start teaching her this - it has to come from within - a desire to want something better. Unfortunately, she had many bad teachers in her life about feelings and emotions, and it would take years (me thinks) to get her battleship to turn around...

I can't fix her, I can only pray for her. That's part of detachings - the other part is making sure my ship is on the right course - and purposely working the ship to keep it on course. It's my responsibility. smile
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