Z-

First, I like your name. Has special meaning for me.

Two, please put a summary of your situation in your signature. Click on My Stuff -> Edit Profile. Lots of similar stories here, so having your summary at the bottom helps us remember who you are. Look at other people's signatures to see what kind of stuff people put there.

You haven't mentioned anything about your H and your 3 year old. Has he been a good father?

Regarding the divorce process -- just search the internet for "divorce <the name of your state>". That will give you some state-specific information, including "no fault divorce," which lets either spouse get a divorce without any reason.

Why does he want you to cooperate on the divorce? I believe in many states (like where I am), if spouses agree on everything (kids, money, property), then you can file for divorce by filling out a bunch of paperwork and paying a few hundred bucks. No lawyers, no nothing.

Now about what you should do -- do what you want! You don't want a divorce, at least at this point. Then do nothing. Let him file for divorce. But you're going to think long and hard about what it is that you want. It sounds like your H has some serious issues. You have to look at that with eyes wide open and decide if you still want him.

And then -- here is the part that everyone else here will hammer on -- be the best person you feel you should be. Be the lighthouse that your lost H will see. Be the lighthouse that you are proud of. Become the person that your spouse would be a fool to leave. To be honest w/ you, the odds are bad. Very bad. Most likely your D will not be busted. Odds are your spouse will never be the H you want him to be, the father you want him to be. So you're going to have to do all that mainly for yourself, for your child, and for the fact that it's the right and good thing to do.

I'm not a vet in the forum. I've got my own messed up situation, my own sorrows. Just offering my two cents.


Me: 50, MLC/WW 45
Young kids
Nov 2015: BD1
Apr 2016: BD2
Jan 2017: W filed
Feb 2017: D final