WHs do come back--Piecing--acceptance & time

[SH_]

Yes, some very good information and thoughts here.
paschal, I love to see what you shared. I know as you review it more it will start to stick.
Sara, we all have to find what works for us. I like the approach that you used. Sometimes we can all be to serious, but your approach is good for the mind.
trumpet,
Now your post really strikes a chord for me.
It is a golden post...
I am going to copy to my thread as it resonates with me and I want to be able to review and ponder on it several times.

(((SH))) Thank you. Lot's to think about. I tend to use words as I define them, but perhaps am using them incorrectly.

Instead of saying introspection, I should say that such an awareness of my own emotions and emotional responses had kept me ruminating and going in the same circles. I can see now how this caused a lot of additional pain.

When I was able to thought stop, give myself a break from the overwhelming feelings, and then move on to a differnt healthy/distracting or fun activity, it worked well most of the time. I would even need to remind myself that I could come back to feeling bad later. Sounds silly, but it did work. We must our bodies and minds a break from the stress.

Sometimes you just have to know how to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and keep marching on! I never mastered it, but I developed several tools that I can use the next time I face a crisis in my life.

The more I am removed from that time in my life, the more I find silver linings in my sitch. They are there for all of you, even if you cannot see them yet.

-Blu

I completely see what you are saying, in spite of the terms you used.
I am bad about breaking down words and looking for the nitty gritty of the definitions as I find valuable details in the details....
But that is not to take away from your point.
Pulling oneself up by the bootstraps no matter what the manner is for sure the key and you have done this and you do so much to swing the 2X4 in the manner to encourage others not to have to do it the hard way.

You have become aware of so much, and this is the valuable parts of your story that I so appreciate you sharing.

I don't often post about my current sitch. I don't want that to be the entire focus of my life and I am trying to accept where things are. when I read some of the threads here--especially from the women with WH--it does makes me think about where I was a couple years ago and where I am now.

Acceptance is key, and you have a good focus on wha you want to change inside yourself, and your advice to others is golden.

I don't know if I will ever feel the same about my H. Yes, that M is dead and gone and we must create something new. I get that. Yes, it takes two people to destroy and thus recreate the R. I get that too. My life is fairly normal and I don't have any big complaints about H. He is actually a very nice person, a wonderful father, a hardworking man, and he has looked inside himself and made changes. He is truly remorseful and regrets what happened.

As you continue to work on you, the paths of the future will lead where they lead.
The good, is that you don't have to decide if you will ever feel differently about your H.
As you become more aware of your emotions and respond in a manner that is fulfilling for you, the feelings will settle where they are meant to.
You are traveling a good path IMHO.

All that said, it doesn't change how I feel. Some days I don't feel anything. I don't need much advice and feedback, and I am okay ducking under the radar. I accept where I am today. I am saying this because for those of you that don't want your M anymore and are ready to move on, I think that is okay. I didn't let myself consider that as an option, I was too scared. I know that sounds sad and goes against why we are here, but it's the truth.

Study more about the emotions and the feelings.
My STBX stated that many times as she left. She said she did not feel anything for anyone....
My IC indicated that is not really possible, but that one can surprise feelings, but they will come out, and typically it is not in a good manner.....
This is what lead me to my research of this topic we are having.
The post I made about one having emotions, but not really being aware...until it boys over...

I am not saying tat is you, but learn of this, and then you will be equipped to respond in the time that is right.

Sorry, I know you said you did not need advice....

We all have options and choices. I don't want to hold onto anything too tightly anymore, I want to just live life.

A very wise approach to moving forward IMHO.