And as long as you are finding peace and joy in it, then you must continue on.
I apologize if I have come off as insinuating that your busy schedule would be harmful or bad for you..... Not my intention.
I think I ask because of things I am experiencing, material that I am studying that has resonated with me and small clues in your journaling that do raise a flag, but when I ask, and you reply, then I know you are slowing down and taking stock.
I guess I never really shared my thoughts and insight, so I will share, and then you can know my question is my way of sharing my care, but trusting you and your decisions and choices whole heartedly.
When I first started to learn of meditation, the story that was shared in the book was that of a young woman sitting in her office of her successful career and she was having a nervous breakdown and trapped in rumination. This young woman experienced the D of her parents when she was 18 years old. It was traumatic to say the least. Her coping was to throw herself into her college courses and activities to remain busy and push through the emotions and trauma she was experiencing. Just like we are taught by MWD. Good right!? She continues this busy pattern for years to create a very successful career, get married to a fine young man, have 2 beautiful daughters and basically live the dream life..... Fast forward back to her sitting in her office breaking down at age 36....and she could not put her finger on why she felt she had to leave her H, get away from her career and live the life that she thought she had lost....because she took the path that she took to feel better and survive the trauma of her parents D when she was 18. She never really slowed down to face the pain, heal from it appropriately and let it pass....
Now, the point was that meditation is a healthy manner to deal with the emotions and feelings that lead to this, and this has stuck with me as I watch my own D18 attempt to become busy to feel better about our family sitch.
She called me last night as she was several hours later than she had told me at a social event and she was in tears..... She has filled her schedule so full, she is never home except to sleep for a few hours.... She said all of her busy socializing and working etc were not meeting her needs and she was constantly feeling bad about things..... She has been breaking down more frequently of late after hat appears to be her doing wetland getting out and meeting new people and socializing.... I am working to learn and support her in this... But something is off.
I have also read much on the nature of introverts....for me...my D18..others that I know.... You have expressed that you are introverted.... We have a lower threshold for so much social activity... It's not that we don't enjoy it.. Many of us even crave it immensely.... But the truth and research and studies show that it takes much out of us, and more time to recharge from it.... Not a bad, thing, simply a thing. Sleep, shaking, etc. Introverts can experience some of those due to our recharging needs.
So as it is late, and I have a goal to minimize my rambling....
I ask you out of concern...concern based in nothing more than my own experiences, past and present... My reading and efforts to comprehend how I am going to not only come out on the other end of this, but how I come out a champion, conquerer and overall man I am proud of....
You know what is best... Your response tonight is full of spunk and fire.... You are wise and evaluate your sitch often.... This is a strong and powerful Phoebe rising up out of the dust....
I pray that you are inspired and guided so that you can do what is right, learn from what you need and most importantly, you live life, love fully and experience much joy.
My dear Phoebe, you are doing well in a challenging leg of your journey. I am glad that I can be a part of that as I have been. You have bene there for me, and I will be there for you..... Even if I bug you as much as I do my daughters with my challenge questions.....
Sleep well tonight my lovely.
(((((Phoebe))))
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
