Confused on What to Do 2

[ericmsant2]

I think my self confidence was low because I don't think my family gave me the support that I needed.

I hope you realize that this was NOT YOUR fault. Chances are you parents showed you love the only way they knew how to.

Unfortunately, I have never been the biggest self motivator and I need encouragement and I don't think I ever really received it from them.

You do realize that YOU can change this. Right? Requiring someone else to motivate and encourage you is more of a codependent trait. I am not saying that we all do not appreciate and feel good when someone motivates us – the “require” is the difference. Learning how to be self-motivated would do you good.

That's one of the reasons I have always made sure to tell my kids and my W that I love them.

What about YOURSELF? Loving your kids at the expense of YOU…is not healthy. It is IMO, another codependent trait.

I had therapist I was going to during my 1st divorce tell me this same thing,

Maybe the therapist and I are on to something. Maybe you need to dig a bit deeper here buddy.

I don't feel like wasting my time.

Ummm….from where I sit, you do not seem to be tied up with GALing…so why do you think this would be a waste of your time? Or is it more of the motivation that you mentioned above or are you just afraid of what you can find.

I wish I would have dug into what the problems were in the 1st marriage, but I never did.

“I wish”, “could have”, “should have”……. Notice that you see to give yourself excuses from really digging to deep. Notice the “but”…..

She was just the most beautiful women I had ever dated.

Is outward beauty more important to you than inward beauty? Be honest….don’t blow smoke up my arse. Be honest…is a women physical appearance more important than anything else?

If I keep quiet how can I expect her to understand me and what I am feeling.

I hope you can see more to this than just “her”. The issue is bigger than just “her”.

This is a dilemma I have had for some time. I have often thought about getting back to work, but then I care so much for the kids. I thought I would go back to work one our S6 started school, but then we had another S.

BUT….BUT….BUT…… Excuse….excuse…excuse....
Wash, rinse, repeat….
Notice the pattern?
Look man I get wanting to be home with your kids. I do. And I totally understand the circumstance specific to your younger son.
My point…(assuming you have not figured it out yet)… is….

I just think it would be hard for me to take him to daycare for 10 hours a day. I can't explain it, but if I stayed married I would continue to stay home with him until he started school.

YOU seem to always give yourself and excuse. Chit…I think deep down inside, you may not want to be with your W and the only reason you do is because it is easier and allows you to stay home with the kids.

Was that harsh? Yep I think it was…I also think you need to realize just how much you give yourself excuse from dealing with chit.

Maybe I should feel relieved about the possibility of have a few days a week for myself if we get a D, but I want to see my kids everyday.

Look at this statement….You would feel relieved (something I think you want to really feel) BUT once again you have given yourself from feeling relieved, which is your kids.

No More Mr. Nice Guy just purchased.

Good – let me know what you think.

Gmail

Now look at my tag name…. that is a hint.

I know this might look like cake eating, but I looked at it as a small opportunity to show her change because in the past I don't know if would have gotten out of bed at 4 am to carry her bag to the car.

That statement up there screams….I want to be angry BUT my excuse is……..

My W told me we have a great relationship now as friends but she doesn't know if it can be anymore than that because she just feels numb to me in a sexual way.

It really a horrible thing that happened to your W. Can you be in a sexless M? I am asking YOU. I want YOUR response…and do not mention your W in the response. I want to know what EAGLE wants.

I DON'T get my hopes up because I know everything could change in an instant, but there are little signs that maybe she is not as crazy as she has been.

Notice the BUT again…in this case it is being used so that YOU can GET YOUR hopes up high.

As far as the the OM go, i think OM #1 isn't as serious anymore (although he will be at work conference the next few days). OM #2 is still going strong though. I know she texted him a lot Saturday night and last night.

Snooping are we? The more YOU look at HER the more YOU avoid looking at yourself.

I am just scared because I don't know what is coming now.

So what are you going to do with this FEAR? Face it finally?

I wish I could just file for divorce and end this whole thing. That would be the easy thing to do, but I'm sticking this out. I told her I wouldn't abandon her and I am a man of my word. That talk I had with her when I told her I knew about OM1 might have been the dumbest thing I ever did. It did nothing for our situation and if anything it freed her up to do more. I told her i wasn't angry with her and I would stand by her. I should have kept my mouth shut.

1) STFU
2) Why #1
3) Because honestly…. You are not able to be truthful and honest with her.
4) Why did I say # 3….

I told her i wasn't angry with her

This ^^^^ is why. You’re not angry – really?

So while she spends her days with these OM I watch our kids.

YOU CHOOSE TO – Own it.

So…how is the book….No more Mr Nice guy?