Cherry.Papers filed "am I making a mistake".focus!

[Cherry]

It is, because there's no longer loyalty, relationship, friendship. They come and go as they please, spew all over. And I get to see him ignore our child, or stay out til all hours (he has been better the past week, and wanting to eat meals with us. Of course this means nothing).

Thing is, I'm already living the life as a lone parent. And if I say so myself, I'm doing it better than I thought I would! I'm balancing work and care responsibilities to my mil and child. I'm making sure we are okay financially. There isn't anything he is offering me right now except for stress. When they are just a shell of that person, it's not pleasant, like they look familiar- but it's not them. Nor are you sure which version of them you will get that day.

My concentration is one of trying to have peace. I want a peaceful home, without spew or uncertainty. I want to feel peace within myself, I want my child to be as minimally affected as I possibly can.

And I mean, how is a wayward living at home actually facing up to any consequences if their decisions?! Living like a student home for spring break. Come and go as you please, no worry of bills, taxes. Fridge and cupboards full, big meals made (I always cook in bulk!). Absolutely no responsibilities, life is like a holiday camp! Yes I know, they have the inner turmoil they battle, but that will only get hella worse when living alone and needing to pay and sort out so much more stuff, it's like starting all over again. Buying all the furniture and everything. So I think if he has his talk tomorrow and presents the papers, I need to be firm that he needs to go asap. I can't have someone fire me from their wife but still have all the comforts of a wife and a tidy warm family house and family living when it suits. It's hard because yes, I do still love him, and I know telling him to leave will be tough, and pushing him into this reality. But this is the reality he wanted. Not me. I wanted my family to stay together.