Progress...?

[DBrookie]

P.S. I'm dying to know what you put under her door.

I put some pictures I always keep with me, a note she wrote me years ago about things she'd promise to do in our R, and my wedding ring in an envelope under her door. A package of broken promises, if you will.

Five minutes after I did it I knew it was a total bonehead power passive aggressive move. I have swallowed a lot of mixed messages and jabs here and there, but had to vent. I guess after the past few weeks I just blew a gasket.

I have had some time to think about why I reacted that way. First, after the good things of last week I felt completely in the dark this week. Second, there have been several times when I have been there for her, but she hasn't been there for me. The car episode was one where I was there for her, and after a very tough week at work, I wanted her to be there for me for just a quick dinner. Back in February I had taken care of her and her SUV after a big snow storm. That same day my grandmother died and I had to fly out of town on very short notice. WAW said she'd take me to the airport because my car was still buried in the snow. That next morning she never answered when I called her. She had been out the night before with friends. Needless to say I had to dig out and rush to my flight. She later said she was sorry, but she was really tired, and I should have come and knocked on her door. But...that I should know she'll be there for me.

Today we talked briefly and she's still VERY mad and angry at me. I told her that I actually wanted her to yell at me because I know how dumb it was...that I wasn't going to walk on egg shells about it or ask to be forgiven. Let me have it!!! She said that it was the worst possible way to communicate a problem, and was something an 8th grader would do. She added that I tell her I want to be friends in the future, but stuff like this will make that impossible. Plus, this has essentially wiped out the good things I've done for her the past several weeks...and that I've not really changed at all.

She closed by saying that she doesn't think we should talk for several days until she calms down. She was sorry this is happening around our b-days, but she is very PO'ed and just doesn't know what to do/say with me right now. I plan on giving her that space and just waiting until then to talk.

So right now...I'd say that a couple of months of hard work and really trying to reconnect are washed away. I feel really terrible about it...more than words can probably express right now.