Progress...?

[DBrookie]

Please share what happened when you feel up to it. Meanwhile, try not to be too upset with yourself - you ARE only human, after all.

I think I let the events of the past two weeks really get to me. Last week I was Superman for my WAW because she had some car troubles. I jumped in and came to the rescue on a lot of levels that week. That's when she started to really warm up to me, spent time together without pressuring, asked about wedding photo, etc. I felt really good...but never got actual feedback from her.

This past week I kept to giving her space and I knew we were going to do something later in the week. We talked on the phone earlier in the week, I sent some nice emails to let her know I was thinking about her, etc. But I felt like she had withdrawn from me in contrast to last week, and without any feedback to go on I was setting myself up for trouble.

On Friday we were going to have dinner. She later called to reschedule for Sunday. I was fine because she sounded very tired on the phone. She said she was going to run out to do some errands and talk with a friend about some things at work. I had left her a vm later because of something I had forgotten to ask her about. A few hours later she called to say that she was just now coming home, and would probably go right to bed.

I just mentally blew a gasket. I felt like she cancelled her plans with me but still went out and spent the same amount of time as she would have with me. I was fine when she said she was tired, because I know how hard she works. But when she was out for a while with friends I just felt like she wasn't honest with me. I felt like the reason she cancelled was because she had a better offer...I know that's selfish on my part...but it hurt a lot.

I pulled a huge control thing by leaving something under her door and then not returning her phone calls later that night. It was a complete old-me passive aggressive thing, and I now feel like the biggest a-hole on the planet for having done it. She was really hurt by it and very angry too.

Today we spoke a little bit and she said that she knew I was sorry, but this was something that was going to be very hard to forget. She said that she knows that she does confuse me, that she wants to work on things, but that this thing might be the nail in the coffin. She had to get back to work, but I just feel terrible and as if I'm probably going to be the ruin of things.

When we talk next I'm going to tell her that I think one thing I want going forward is feedback, both positive and negative about our R. I almost always get the negative and that causes me to panic sometimes and get dramatic.

I just feel like a lot of the good things I've done to improve our R have gone down the drain because I didn't know where things stood...and I ASSumed the worst. Say a prayer for me folks...