I'm feeling very tired, very low, very lonely at the moment.
Could do with any support anyone has to offer.
Focus,
What has you down? Is it that you are tired? Or was there a trigger?
What can we chat about to place your focus on a uplifting thought?
Thank you for helping me think about this in a little more detail.
I think it was a mix of things really. The huge number of hours I was working, every single day (12 and 14 hour days, 7 days a week. That's come to an end now thankfully).
Also, the realisation that I don't think there will ever be any relationship in the future that will have that same feeling as when I met my H, and when we were married (well, really for the first 13 years we were together. I guess we were pretty lucky in that respect, to have so much very happy time together).
Things seemed tinged with sadness (at best). I'm talking about going forwards, not just now, in this present moment. Sadness and resignation to the inevitability of failure in any relationship, of a lack of communication and the resultant misunderstandings, and the drifting apart and tearing apart that comes from that.
I know that sounds ironic after my last post, and 'the most positive person in the building' stuff I wrote, but there we go. That's what was getting me down.
The focus has to be on yourself, doesn't it? On doing things that you want to do and that make you happy.
I just miss the closeness and companionship I had. I know you guys will get that, as we're all pretty much thinking and feeling the same way on this one. I think I took that closeness and companionship for granted. I just assumed that that was the way it was between two people who were married. But perhaps it is a special thing? A rare thing, rather than being the norm and something that we should come to expect.
I can't get over the feeling of crushing loneliness. It feels like a vice around my heart at times. That doesn't mean that I'm desperate to alleviate that. And it doesn't mean that I don't notice (and really appreciate) those lovely moments of kindness between people. I am genuinely touched by those, and even just thinking about them helps the pain quite a lot.
It's just that feeling is really painful. And I can't quite get my head round my H dancing off into the sunset with OW2, and remaining totally untouched by that feeling, and being completely ignorant of it (mind reading...I know, I know).
Uplifting thoughts? We're sometimes back at the getting through the next few minutes/hour one step at a time, and really having to drag myself forward. Is the answer to just totally fill your time with doing various things so that you don't have the time to sink into these chasms? Is that how it works?
