I Guess husband is stuck in a MLC

[AmyTx]

Just checking in ... my daughter and I have started walking in the evenings to get some exercise and also a chance for us to really chat. I am also going to go this weekend and pick up a few puzzles .. thanks job for the suggestion. I go in 2 weeks to meet with my oncologist about my CT Scan and my 1 year checkup. Praying no signs of the lung cancer returning!!! I also started working more hours to help with finances and keep me out of the home. Next month -- H will begin only paying child support (even though we are only separated) and no longer helping with the rest of the household bills. Even though he does not need to pay rent on his condo until January.

The one thing that I am having trouble getting over -- is something that I read online. Which is just an online opinion -- but it has really hit me hard. It talked about the spouse in a midlife crisis is there because of both spouses. Actions I took, defects in me -- caused him to feel the only way out was through escape.

I am really trying to search inward and fix what is wrong with me. However, this is quite painful because I truly thought I was being a 'good' wife. Looking back I now see where I could have made changes -- and this hurts so bad.

I see now that I allowed him to cross boundaries in our marriage. When he pushed me away and was angry at me for something -- I retreated. I always tried to keep him happy and did not speak up when something he did caused me hurt. It was easier to avoid than to cause more conflict. I craved being around him and I should have made time for myself that did not involved him. When he stopped showing me affection, I should have talked to him about it and how it made me feel. Instead I just retreated further and allowed it to affect my self esteem.

I truly see this a journey for both of us -- one I never wanted ... I only pray I come out the other side and prove to be an example for my daughter!