Confused on What to Do 2

[Eagle11]

A little update on my sitch. I had a pretty good last 4 or 5 days. I didn't get to take my hike because my W had to work from 6-12 Saturday morning and I already had plans for Sunday. I did however get to have some alone time on Sunday to clear my head and I actual ly had a couple of almost normal night sleeps. I've made it more than 3 or 4 hours the last few nights without waking up, which is a first for me since this all started about 6 weeks ago. Unfortunately, I didn't get that sleep last night because my W was up at 4 am this morning to leave for her business trip. I went a head and got up and carried her bag to the car for her and told her goodbye. I know this might look like cake eating, but I looked at it as a small opportunity to show her change because in the past I don't know if would have gotten out of bed at 4 am to carry her bag to the car.

Last Friday night I had a drink with my wife and she had 5. I guess the drinks loosened her up because she decided to tell me about when she was raped by an ex boyfriend while in college. I knew she had been raped but it was never talked about because I didn't feel comfortable ever bringing it up and she never offered any real info. I won't go into details, but it was even more traumatic than I imagined. She also told me about a couple of attempted assaults and a sexual harassment situation that happened within a year of the rape. She never reported the rape because of the reaction she got from people when she reported the sexual harassment charge that happened a few months before. She said the only people that know about it are therapists,her mom and now me.

After talking about the rape she told me she doesn't feel anything with anyone when it comes to sex. She said she has been to 7 therapists dealing with her problems over the years but she wants a quick fix and can't get it from them. She quit her latest therapy a couple of weeks ago after going to 4 sessions. My W told me we have a great relationship now as friends but she doesn't know if it can be anymore than that because she just feels numb to me in a sexual way. She wanted to know what my therapist says about her and I told her a few details and my W seemed to agree with them.

The rest of weekend with my W was fine. We hung out Saturday night with the kids where she drank another bottle of wine. Sunday, she went and bought our S6 a new tablet because his broke. After she gave it to him she told him to remember the most important thing in life is family and to always be there for your family. She says things now that I don't know how to take. I DON'T get my hopes up because I know everything could change in an instant, but there are little signs that maybe she is not as crazy as she has been.

Sunday evening I went and got dinner and we ate together as a family for the 2nd time since this all started 6 weeks ago. After dinner she drank another bottle of wine and she had another last night. I'm starting to worry about all this alcohol consumption. I believe she has drank a bottle of wine every night since last Wednesday except for Friday night when she had 5 beers.

Also, yesterday she decided to buy us a new tv since ours has finally had it after 7 or 8 years. This was not a small investment. Last weekend she also mentioned about a dog for the kids. A dog is something we have talked about in past for them,but have never done it because we were always renting houses. Now that we have our own we starting talking about it more seriously. I told her I don't if right now is a good time with our sitch, but she said we could just divide the dog up like everything else if we don't work out.

As far as the the OM go, i think OM #1 isn't as serious anymore (although he will be at work conference the next few days). OM #2 is still going strong though. I know she texted him a lot Saturday night and last night. I am getting better at not letting it bother me. I didn't feel the anger last night that I usually feel when I know she is texting him. She actually told me she was texting him last night, she said it was work related. Once again I don't believe her but I kept my mouth shut.

Where do I go from here? She won't be back until late Thursday night from her trip so I am taking this as an opportunity to work on myself without having to look over my shoulder to see if she is around. I am going to do some more research and catch up on this board over the next few days.