Nothing new to report which I suppose is the problem. S back at school in a big year for him and needs a lot of support as he doesn't have much time so I'm busy too! Taxi driver and chef in my free time. I've taken on extra responsibility at work which means we're both busy. The free time we get I tend to spend relaxing. I need to get back to running as I keep finding excuses not to go. W hasn't met up with S since 2nd of the month, she doesn't maintain any contact with me unless I initiate. I had to contact her about buying an early present for S's birthday as he needs it now for school. W agreed and wanted the 3 of us to buy it together one day. I had no intention of doing that and it happened that when we had to buy it W was away on a long weekend in London visiting a girlfriend of hers. She asked me to let her know when S got his laptop so I did with a couple of photos. We soon fell into a friendly jokey exchange of texts before dropping back into silence again. Through Mindfulness I understand my emotions better but I still find my thoughts turning to her and missing her love and friendship. I try to remind myself of all the lies etc but in my heart I haven't moved on. I miss her and feel lonely. I don't really have a social life outside of work and a couple of friends who all have their own lives and responsibilities. I don't want to think about the future when S moves on with his life. I'm happy to be his support through the difficult teenage years, especially now his mum is such a peripheral figure in his life. She keeps reminding me she's his mum but she lives the life she wants and doesn't have to be there for on a daily basis. I know I have to try more GAL but between work, S and isolation in a foreign town I just feel blocked at the moment. Don't want to sound too self pitying, I still laugh and enjoy life but there are many times when W is in my head still. I don't see me moving forward to a new better life anytime soon if ever. Sorry for letting off steam, reading other's threads I shouldn't complain too much. I'm just frustrated with life right now!
