oh Cali, {{{hugs}}} I get it ... I really do. I'm so sorry.
Happy birthday, a bit early. Here's to hoping you will have a wonderful new year ahead (despite the filing), fresh start, continue with your pma, and wishing you only good things.
I can tell you there was relief that this wasn't hanging over my head anymore ... will he, won't he ... the shoe dropped, so there wasn't anything else to do but face it, walk through the emotions. You may feel some of the same.
I"m still doing that, truth be told, but I can tell you that movement is better than stagnation.
Sending you love and prayers ... xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
{{{hugs}}}