Irish - oh, the irony of that is quite rich. Well, there's a reminder that you can't always believe what you read in the paper. As for Facebook, all too often, it's really Fakebook.
Keep being the amazing you!
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
The other thing you may start to notice - people are affected by what happened. You wouldn't think so, but they are. And they share it with you. Maybe as a way to connect? Or sympathize? Or work on their own demons? <shrug>
I don't live in a small town. But all these years later, I occasionaly bump into an old mutual friend. They feel compelled to tell me things or ask about that time. Many are surprised to hear I don't really care to hear it. I've had mutual friends shake their heads and as how I'm doing, and then tell me about things they saw during that time. Others have no trouble hearing some of the escapades and nod knowingly.
I usually end the conversation quickly and wish them well. But it always strikes me as odd that they are trying to cope with what happened. It somehow affects them. Maybe it reminds them of what they have done or what happened to them as a child or .. Who really knows?
My ex's father was like that. He tried to talk her out of it, but it was something that pained him. He wouldn't talk about it with me, but both him and my ex's mom had trouble with it. And still seem to from time to time.
The thing is, that's for them to deal with. But it occurs to me that what my ex did had far reaching effects on more than just immediate family.
Don't be surprised by the comments and things people share. Neither do you need to listen to it if you don't want to. You can politely tell them you aren't interested and that's OK to do.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
hey buddy. it's me. checking in. so you survived Vegas, that's great! Man, it left me cold and feeling in need of a good scrubbing, but the desert was beautiful! I recommend going back there between Oct-April, when the weather is more tolerable. Great place to photograph at dawn and dusk ... the Milky Way was gorgeous at night. as for the strip - avoided it like the plague when I was there.
Yeah, this affects others way more than we realize. In my case, it seemed like a few friends were in shock mode, maybe thinking if this could happen to us it could happen to them too. You could always tell that we really loved each other a lot. I actually got a pm today from an old friend asking if my ex was off FB now, and are he and I speaking, cordial, etc. She was stunned when my reply was an unhesitating, "of course, we love each other a lot." She asked why the D ... I said, dunno, guess he doesn't want to be married and gave her his email/phone #. She's his mom's age, and closer to ex than me - he used to rent/share office space with her. She's awesome, been through her own D years before. Lovely, lovely person. I'm happy to help her get in touch with him. What he does with it is none of my business. My folks are absolutely devastated by this. For them, they're worried about me, their grandson, their son-in-law, whom they've loved as a son for 26 years. They want to alternately shake him and hug him. My heart breaks for them, but I can't help them with it. Dunno. I feel like divorce and MLC are a cancer that spreads far and wide.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Hi :-) So my XW is being awefuly nice today. Text messages me saying " if you need help with anything or anything for you let me know"
Ok, I guess she feels the need to help. I did reply that I have it under control. I took the opprtunity to bring her upto date on the girls. Both are going great. D14 had an episode in gym class an dher teacher thinks it might be asthma related. So I will have her see the doctor this week for some tests.
She offered help if I needed it and said she has great insurance. I again replied I got it covered. The converstion ended there.
So weird her trying to help. You don't see your kids for over 14 months and all of a sudden you are available. No logic in it. I don't need her help and I'm not going to let her help to make her feel better. She has a lot to do before she gets in the circle of trust.
HW - lol FakeBook yes. XW went from 90 close friends and family to over 1000 new friends when MLC hit. AJ and Bttrfly - yes I noticed. People we knew are generally sad or mad about it. I guess that's why XW has all new friends and has distanced herself from the real world
Irish
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
I think your xw feels a tad guilty for not being there for the girls. People are most likely asking her about them and she can't tell them anything because she's not been in contact w/them. There's no way to determine if she's actually wanting to help or if there is an ulterior motive, but it's best to leave her to her own mess. The girls are old enough to decide whether they want to reach out to their mother or not.
I do hope that your D14 is okay.
Yep, your xw has distanced herself from old friends/people that she once associated w/because they will voice their opinions to her about what she's done. She doesn't want to be judged or told about her and her messy situation...but that's life...actions have consequences and she's lost the respect of many people, including her immediate family. It's very sad an I do hope that she can one day get herself together and come to realize just what she has lost.
BTW, how's the foot doing these days? Have you tossed the boot away?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It is funny she reaches out to me. Never once has she reached out to the girls in the past 9 months. Even when her messages were to me, she never asked about them or said she'd like to see them. They say they try to connect with friend, family, kids , pets then the spouse. I think she has kids last on her list. She disconnected with them a month before BD.
I will not entertain her at all at this point.
My boot is on the shelf as of yesterday. Speedy recovery. 3 weeks earlier than required. I will take it easy on that foot.
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Continue as you have been. She needs to experience the loss of everything that she use to hold near and dear before she will realize it. I think she looks to you as an authority figure, i.e., daddy and is hoping that you'll smooth things over w/the girls (in her mind, she's probably looking at them as sisters and doesn't know how to communicate w/them). It's difficult at this time to actually try to figure her out and that's why I think you are doing what is right for you and the girls at this time. You and the girls do not need to have her upset your lives while she's still orbiting the moon. She's all over the place and you and your girls are in a good place. No need to upset your home life w/her wacky behavior.
Congratulations on shelving the boot! Now, don't get too eager to do things and reinjure it!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I think your XW MLC is ending and she is trying to tell you that she wants to come back. It's time to turn on acceptance and have her back in your life, don't make her life even more complicated. At the end of the day it's in the best interest of the children to have their mother back. Don't criticize her, don't make her feel guilty, don't turn her away. Just act as if nothing happened and get her back in your life, just tell her to come over for dinner and bring a bottle of wine, keep it simple. Hugs.
