Ok ... I had to read my own darn soap opera to see where I left off, I feel like its one of those Netflix series where there should be a recap just to know where the last season left us all.
So in the last episode I had just put the sissy bar on the bike .. still on and extremely functional I have found. So I think I mentioned I was going on a road trip back in July, S and I had an absolute blast, first time her ever really rode in the front seat with me and we had some seriously great conversations about anything and everything his 9 year old head could think of. I took route A there, and the longer route B back passing through 4 corners and the Grand Canyon ... long trip but was so very fun.
I was back about 2 weeks then I had to go to China for business. At the time I was dating 'Irish' .... she was alot of fun and helped me with a few things I was sorting out for myself but after the 3 month mark or so she was pressing in areas I was just not willing to go at this point. I seen a few red flags and after some thought I terminated the relationship just prior to me leaving for China. China was amazing, hot and muggy, but amazing and really helped me understand the Chinese way of doing things and just a better grasp of the cultural differences that have helped me here stateside.
So once I returned we had our Mediation appt ... #7 for attempts for those keeping score at home. I was pretty sure this would finally be the one. I actually was not dreading it this time, I have received 3 10% raises at work in 2 1/2 years and have been thinking about using my VA Loan to get a little condo for S and I but I need to be divorced as to not by my MLCr a nice little Crazy-Cottage. Anyways ... yup ... you all guessed it ... 1 day prior to the appt she cancelled it AGAIN!! (more on that later)
The summer has been great, I had arranged with ...stbx/w .. what ever one would call her to stop the crazy schedule we have had with S (I would have him M&W, she had him Th&F we would alternate Tues plus one would have him Sat, the other Sun and that would flip each week.) So now we still have our locked in days but we also just trade off weekends which is so much better as S and I can go out and do things without having to worry about getting up and ready Sunday mornings. She does not seem to like this as she pushed for it to go back this month but I refused pointing out this is the long term solution and best for S. I received *crickets* as a reply. I have noticed the weekends I have him and he calls (S refuses to talk to anyone unless its on speaker so often you can not help but hear) she sounds tired/depressed/sad and that seems to be growing over the past few weeks. Thats about the only update I can give you on her other than she just texted me this week wanting to trade days ... either a test or she forgot but wanted me to take S on my Birthday (her day) but made no mention of it being my birthday, I am actually working that night so I just replied I have plans already and left it at that. About 40 minutes prior to that text I had recieved an email from the Mediators office. Basically pointing out how long we have been at this, how many reschedules there have been (None by me mind you) and that in their experience the longer it goes on the more hostile it will be so they recommend one of us just files directly with the courts implying we go the lawyer route. STBX has not said a peep to me, she may have replied directly to that email or not at all I have no idea, I read it and kinda chuckled thinking ... ok, someone else is tired of the crazy stuff and decided to say "Poo or get off the pot" in a more professional way.
As far as me ... I am good. I decided monk mode is the way for me to go at the moment, I can not explain why its not that I feel I am damaged past the point of fixing, I just think I have more healing to go and its good for me to be alone at the moment. I also have ZERO time to be honest. I have every other Tuesday and every other weekend open but those are filled with laundry, grocery shopping and cleaning it seems .. plus catch up on work if needed. Unless there is some hot chick into that ... I am kinda spoken for. Along with that ... call me nuts .. just feels like God is telling me to continue on my path. I did go to confession for the whole 'Irish' relationship knowing I am still married and yeah that is cheating no matter how one wants to paint it ... so I have cleaned the slate so to speak and I am really at peace with "Me".
At this point, I am not sure if I am 'standing' ... I guess thinking about it what I am doing is Living... I enjoy who I am and who I have become. All this made me a very good father, without all this no way I have the bond S and I share, not that I would wish this upon anyone but there are some serious great benefits to it if you care to look at it from a positive perspective. I became better at my job, much more empathetic to peoples personal lives and problems, and I am much closer to God. So ... "Standing" .. I dunno, I am at that 2-3% chance area and do not waste much time thinking in that direction any longer but I will say I am still very interested to see if she ever will come out of this at all ... I do hope for her sake in a way she does .. but also realize that is an ugly movie to wake up and have to go over.
Anyways .. thats the updated novel for now ... Football is here and I welcome the change of the season.
Hi Cali I see things are moving along for you. You have are in control of yourself and that is good. When I first came here and looking for happy ending stories I was pulled into yours. I wanted to be where you were. Re connecting and peicing.
As time went on and the outcome of my sitch and its own happy ending faded away I still looked at you as a strength even though your reconnection was cut short and she still has to bake.
Your sitch is still an inspiration. Your strength and control of Cali is to be applauded.
Just to note 'irish' who you were dating is no relation to me lol I'm glad you cut it off when you did and followed your heart and where you are in healing. Wouldn't be fair to her on the end.
Keep being that stand up guy. Irish
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
It's so good to see an update from you! I think of you often and have been wondering how you are. Your trips sound fun. The Grand Canyon is on my list, I hope to take S in a few years when he would hopefully appreciate it. I am glad to hear your business trip went well too.
I can understand being in "monk" mode. I think often about going on a date, nice dinner and conversation, but I can't see past that. I think healing is important and for myself, I don't really see myself having much to offer other than dinner and conversation! What guy only wants that? Unfortunately, my H! Lol. But seriously, it sounds like you are doing what is best for you and that's a good place to be.
Your S started 4th grade this year like mine? It's a little more challenging which is good, my S is transitioning into having more responsibility, which I think is great. They grow up so fast! My little guy has morphed into a tween. I hope your S is doing well
I for one am surprised mediation was cancelled again. But you know what? It's just a piece of paper. Unless you have a reason to make the D legal, let it continue to lay on her. It doesn't need to change how you live day to day. I think the emotional aspect is bigger than the legal. It's taken me a long time to get to that point, but hey, I never asked for this. And like me, you have done everything you could. So, enjoy your life Cali. You so deserve it. You have risen above the mess and see all the positive that has come out of it. That is true success and what I admire about you.
Please stay in touch when you can and take care of yourself.
Big (((hugs))) M
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
thanks for the update Cali. yeah, as I read this I was thinking that it might be time to just file and get it over with. You'll know when and if that time arrives.
xo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Irish; Yeah I honestly did the same thing, you look for a happy ending hoping to take away what that guy did ... load the silver bullet in your own gun and pull the trigger. Thing is it takes some time to realize there are no such things as quick fixes and magic bullets. Took me alot of time .. 3 years to accept that my M is over, My W is no longer who I fell in love with and in all logical truth never will be. As far as Irish ... it was less about 'being fair to her' but more about fair to me. It was fun and I think it helped me in some areas but she had her own agenda that just did not suit up with what I want out of life so I did not see anyway that things would work out long term.
M; Yeah he is starting up 4th grade and like you said .. they grow so fast. Funny you mentioned it ... FB has those "This time 1/2/3 years ago you posted this. My God, seems like I am looking at someone else's life I swear, all that stuff feels like 10 years ago to me.
bttrfly; Funny you mentioned that ....
So Friday I get home and recieve a call, like most if I do not recognize the number it gets the voicemail, this one I called back immediately. Appears STBX retained a lawyer and I will be served sometime this week. According to her lawyer she wants to work things out amicably (This so far has meant getting her way on everything) I told her I would love nothing more. Its been 3 years now and its not like this is a shock, the lawyer was under the impression I would be blindsided with this as to why she called out of a courtesy.
Honestly I was disappointed a bit but also mixed in with acceptance and knowing this is just another thing I need to get past to move on with my life as STBX continues her MLC journey. I made the mistake early on thinking I could fix her ... this past year I have gone NC and just working on my own continued development finally without looking back to see where she is.
The current thing I am dealing with are the dates... so many tarnished over the past 3 years but as time goes by I have started not linking the tragic events to these date ... however this year looks as I will be served directly on my Birthday, I just smh and smirk at it all .. its like a dark comedy I have landed the supporting role in.
I have been praying a bit more and found I have softened a bit, getting ever so closer to indifference which is my desired destination as I accept this is just what it is and part of a plan much much larger than what my hopes and wishes were/are.
The journey continues .... and the path seems a touch less treacherous or maybe I have just become used to the rough terrain.
I am truly sorry that your situation hasn't improved. However, you have done everything humanly possible to make things works. The focus is now on your healing and moving forward w/your life. Your son has a wonderful dad who will continue to be there for him as he continues to grow by leaps and bounds.
You've just become used to the rough terrain along the way. When it is all said and done, you are a survivor and have truly been an inspiration to all. You've been there for many of the posters who have come here that needed someone to guide them and your threads have given everyone an insight into the man you were and are today. Cali, my hat's off to you!
We are always here to support you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Cali, I'm sorry to hear that and of course you must feel disappointed and affected by this latest development. You will of course get through this and we are always here if you need us. I know that you will carry on being awesome no matter what - being the strong and grounded person you are.
Glad you popped back to update recently and do take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
oh Cali, {{{hugs}}} I get it ... I really do. I'm so sorry.
Happy birthday, a bit early. Here's to hoping you will have a wonderful new year ahead (despite the filing), fresh start, continue with your pma, and wishing you only good things.
I can tell you there was relief that this wasn't hanging over my head anymore ... will he, won't he ... the shoe dropped, so there wasn't anything else to do but face it, walk through the emotions. You may feel some of the same.
I"m still doing that, truth be told, but I can tell you that movement is better than stagnation.
Sending you love and prayers ... xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
{{{hugs}}}