Thank you Twinmom, in what your H said it feels like it's word for word what my H feels. Can't believe how much anger H has against me! Wouldn't want to be in his shoes because he has hatred towards the mother of his first child, and now towards me. It must be energy consuming for him. All this started because H asked if he was meant to see his kids tonight because he had them yesterday!
Honestly what kind of a father asked if he is meant to see his kids! I replied telling him that I would leave it to him to decide if he wants to see his children or not. Then he replied angrily saying that he didn't fancy driving all the way to see the kids if I had plans ( bear in mind that he leaves with OW, who is in the same town as me!).At that point I was laughing because it's a school night and for the last 18 months I don't have anything planned on Mondays because it's when he sees the kids. I replied that there is no need to be aggressive and that maybe he could chose his wording more carefully next time as it comes across as it is a chore for him to see his kids. I didn't have any expectations of him to turn up ( as when he has them on the Sunday, he never shows up the following Monday despite him asking to see his kids every Monday in the separation agreement!), but he did turn up. I know it is all again centered on my H but I'm proud of myself because I gave him a truth dart (something I'd never have done before because I'd be watching what I was saying in case he'd want to come back) and I wasn't scared to do it! Each day (even with wobbles), I'm getting more confident in standing my ground with H. You could hear in his voice that he isn't happy. My kids were happy to see him because I didn't tell them that he was coming, so it was a good surprise for them.
On a positive note, my boss congratulate me for my exams results as my students have achieved a grade higher in my subject than all of their others subject. So despite my personal life being in turmoil I was still able to deliver more! I'm so proud of myself as it's a proof that I'm stronger than I think I am.
I know it's going to be a long road for me to heal as deep down I still want H back but I'm also discovering who I am and realising that I'm stronger than I think I was. Twinmom, I think you are right and I need to set myself some daily and weekly goal. Thank you everyone for your support here.
