KAW,

I think you're getting lost in the process. You've been at this an awful long time. Perhaps it's time to step back and look at it with a beginner's mind.

It's a confusing time.

For BOTH of you!

You mention acting as-if the letter doesn't exist. I agree with that. Until and unless she gives it to you, it's hers. Not yours. It doesn't exist.

But what else are you acting as-if? (bearing in mind how it looks to CAW).

Here's "something different." How about trying to be consistent? Think about it. You've been trying so hard to find that magic "something different" that will "work."

CAW doesn't know what the heck is going on. From her perspective, your behavior is irratic. She doesn't know who the heck is lying in the bed next to her.

And speaking of which...
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Sunday nite, I felt better and at bedtime I notice CAW laying on her back without any sheets (we sleep in the nude) ... which is one of her passive signals, but I didn't deliberately didn't make any advances (didn't feel like playing only on her terms) ... but after she fell asleep I did start gettin a bit friskie ... it led to us staying up to three in the mornin.


I’m gonna be brutally honest here, KAW. Please don’t take it the wrong way, but I just have to point out a little irony here that probably isn’t going unnoticed by CAW.

You call a seductive hint by CAW passive. Frankly, a naked woman coming on to a guy doesn’t seem passive to me.

And you deliberately didn’t respond because you didn’t feel like playing “on her terms.”

I’m not sure from your post if you were acting as-if you didn’t want her, or if you were reacting to your perception that everything has to be on her terms, but I’m glad you followed your hormones ( which are natural by the way ). Just stop and think for a moment how your rejection would have made CAW feel. Do you think it would have drawn you closer together?
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We all use the analogy of this being a rollercoaster ride, but with CAW's extreme vacillations, lately I feel more like I'm the back of bucking bull ... mechanical bull that is ... on the top notch ... ride em urban cowboy!

Here’s the thing, KAW…

Your goal is to bring you and CAW closer together. In order to achieve that goal, you’ve tried so hard to analyze what’s wrong with her that your perception of her is worse than her perception of you.

Acting as-if is not the same as posturing, KAW. Posturing begets posturing. It pulls you apart. Acting as-if you accept CAW – vacillations and all – brings you together. Why? Because CAW starts to feel accepted, and because if you truly work at it, you start to think of CAW in an accepting way. In other words, you act as-if you accept her until you do accept her. And the circle is unbroken. The more you truly accept her, the more she feels accepted…

Take it for what it’s worth, KAW, but do you think that CAW feels you aren’t the man she married?

If she does, why do you think she feels that way?

Andy