It has been a while since I have been on here, as I have been busy and am still depressed over the situation. I know people say "you'll get over it. It takes a couple years", but I am still not over it and still do not know what my future looks like.
I went to the court-ordered mediation, which is a requirement since modification of custody is on the table. She didn't show. When I notified my attorney's office, I was told that she could be admonished and it even says on the instructions that a no-show could result in a $1500 fine. We went to court a few weeks later and my attorney said that most likely, nothing would happen to her unless she did it again. We could not go in front of the judge because we had not gone to mediation, so it had to be moved back to Nov 2. I am absolutely certain her attorney advised her not to show up so this would happen. She is too careful to just ignore the order.
She has stated in her declaration that she was a stay-at-home mom through the entire marriage and that she gave me "unwavering support" for the jobs I held while we were together. I took a job on the other side of the country after being out of work for 5 months and was there for 14 months and she would not go with me. I also turned down a very lucrative job with a very unique, but well-known company 7 hours away from home because she said she thought I should take it and then said "you can go, but I'm not moving the kids up there". This is what she calls "unwavering support". She is also stated " I thought the spousal support would be a few years". She still refuses to work.
The court is going to order a vocational examination for her. I am going to have to front the money for this, but she is supposed to have to pay for it, but I am doubting the courts will make her reimburse me, as the will probably say she doesn't have the ability to pay. My attorney said this is what we wanted, but I don't see a positive outcome for it.
I have struggled for the last 2 years to keep my head above water so I can keep my house and pay my bills while she does nothing except a ride-share job, which she only does part-time. The amount I am required to pay her is enormous and covers more than 150% of her entire cost of living. I am still in debt from the attorneys and also have to pay the medical. As of last month, I am no longer working full-time, as the job I was working for 11 months was only temporary. It was grueling job where I worked extremely long hours and had to wear steel-toe shoes, which have now increased pain with my back and legs to the point where it is difficult to walk without pain, as I have a history of issues and am rated by the VA at 90%. In all that time, I never got one sick day or one vacation day. She did not hesitate to demand prompt payment during that time.
We do not talk anymore, but the in little bit of e-mail communication we have, she doesn't hesitate to be nasty. She has always been this way, but it is getting worse. I am still going to therapy and am starting to realize the possibility that she never cared one bit about me. Now she thinks I am going to spend the rest of my life being miserable (and I might) paying for her.
I am still heartbroken and depressed over this, but I am very tempted to write her a letter and tell her what an incredibly mean person I think she is. I have hesitated to do this, as I did not want to maker her mad, but I am tired of being bullied. I cannot understand how someone can treat another person this way and tell other people that that person (me) is so bad. I just don't understand what makes people so mean and what makes people treat poorly, the ones who have treated them so well.
I need to call my attorney today to find out what is going to happen regarding the evaluation. I will post more when I have more news. Thanks for your support.
