I wouldn't confirm or deny anything. Separation means you're separate. Not a couple. Your comings and goings are none of her business. If she wants a say then she can be your wife and honor her vows. If not, she gets no say.
Since you are a newbie, I'll share some info w/you. Please stick to one thread until you've reached 100 postings/replies. The reason for this is so that we can follow you and the progress you make along the way. It also helps you because you can then link each and every thread at the end of the 100th posting and go back and visit your threads to see how you are making progress. Also, you can change the Subject Line in the threads when you feel the need to do so.
Cadet most likely will merge your threads together.
Cessna,
I just did a complete check and you now have three threads going, this one, another one with 10 postings and one with 67 postings. Please decide which one you want people to post to and stick w/it until Cadet merges them together. I would be happy to do this for you, but I only have merging rights on the MLC Forum.
Thanks!
Last edited by Cadet; 09/20/1607:09 AM. Reason: combine posts
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Can any Vets chime in? Now wife wants to know if I'm dating. Some how wife heard that a woman asked me out. I need to text something definitive that sounds right, so she won't feel she gets a free pass to date. Vets. Need the words to say via text. gone dark. Vets please chime in.
Not a vet, but you're dark, right? I'd ignore that loaded puppy. It's ridiculous to pull something from the past and try to pin it on you to allay her guilt. It's a classic deflection strategy. Don't even deign to address it. It's beneath you.
Sounds like dark-desperation.
me 42 H 32 T 7yr M 6yr BD 5/2016 ILYBNILWY Separated 7/2016
I need to text something definitive that sounds right, so she won't feel she gets a free pass to date.
The problem with telling her your feelings is twofold: 1) She gets to feel safer that you are her plan B, 2) The idea of remaining true to your vows is an attempt to make her feel guilty about breaking hers. Guilt = Control. Control will trigger rebelliousness.
She won't feel guilty, she'll just do what she wants to and blame you for forcing her to leave anyway.
The best bet is to not engage in this. If she persists you could just say "Nothing serious right now". That is true but about as ambiguous as can be. Then shift the conversation back to co-parenting topics.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Point well taken Zues126! "nothing serious right now" would be a total lie though. I cant even remember how that lady looked or acted really. In a fog. There have been others since then recently (and I can remember)!!! I have had more female interactions lately than I've had for the last 20 years? But, Cessna is a Stander! I'm definitely not a "major catch" or good looking... family man by and large. Integrity, commitment, courage,and honesty are my attributes I think? Dang,I just don't get it or where
how would that be a lie? There's nothing serious going on, is there?
It leaves it vague as to what you mean by 'serious' and 'right now'. Does that mean you ended the conversation and aren't pursuing it? Or does that mean you're just friends with benefits but aren't exclusive? Hard to say. But it is brief, true, and acts like you're saying there's nothing going on without giving her reassurances.
OK, z out, others can chime in as well and it's ultimately yours to run.
As for being a 'stander', DB isn't always intuitive. Reassuring an addict they won't have consequences for continuing to use their drug of choice isn't noble, it's enabling. OK, keep posting and hang in.
Last edited by Cadet; 09/20/1607:08 AM. Reason: combine posts
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
