WHs do come back--Piecing--acceptance & time

[SH_]

C-nut,
Thank you for the feedback and I am glad you found the info helpful. I continue my research and study as there is much on the topic and there are some variations. The tiny bit that I have shared resonated with me and has helped me and my D18 much in our struggles and challenges with the emotions and feelings.
Hopefully you will take up my challenge to do a little research on this topic and chime in as well. You are one of my DB neighbors that I have followed since you moved in here, but have not had much I could share with you. I do believe that this topic may benefit you as you are working on yourself of late.....

Blu,

So you bring up some interesting points that I have thought on today and will share mine.
I then want to share a bit more of what I have read...

To take it a step further, we can also explore people with various levels of introspection as it relates to depression and anxiety. Those of us more prone to them may have a harder time coping with the crisis that happens during separation and D. I can see now that my struggling during my Hs A had a lot to do with my depression, anxiety, and ruminating thoughts. It was very difficult for me to "snap out of it," and I would feel stuck and hopeless.

I tend to think that those with very high or very low levels of introspection are more likely to have depression and anxiety.

Blu, I believe I understand the point you are making here and it makes sense on the surface.
So here is the catch.
In the psychology world Introspection and rumination are the polar opposites...
Introspection is the the review of oneself in a positive light and then move forward...
Rumination is the review of oneself in a negative fashion and to do so continuously....

So in essence, introspection is a healthy understanding of ones emotions and can lead to good habits and feelings.
Rumination is the act that actually focus on the bad and goes over it time and time again which leads to the depression and poor habits.

Now I know also that there is the biological element of bad chemicals in the body that are attributed to depression and that there are those that are more prone to depression, so that is a separate factor all together.
Well, you know me, that was not good enough for me to know....
So further research has been studies and my hypothesis based on what I have read is that....
While there are chemical factors that some have that tend to lead to a higher chance of depression, so this holds true with being overweight....
But in both cases, good habits can and do overcome the chemical/genetic factors.....

Up until recently it was believed that the brain was done forming at age 25 and you were who you were at that time no matter what.
Science has recently changed this thought.
By age 25 your habits are mostly hardwired by age 25, but, the brain can be wired with good habits.
Just like physical traits.
Heck, they say that men start losing muscle mass at age 40, but I am in the best shape of my life and have more muscle on me now than when I was 25...

Okay, so I got to slow the hot air here now.....

So point...
Depression and anxiety can be attributed to chemical happenings in the body and poor habits created over a lifetime in reaction to emotions.

If you are very aware of your feelings and how they relate to emotions, you are more likely to overthink, and thus ruminate, which leads to a negative cycle. However, if you are aware of this, you can also empower yourself to thought-stop and create new patterns, or meditate, etc. When my emotions were triggered, and my feelings were self defeating, I would get myself in a circle of negative thinking and could not "pull out of it." It was incredibly painful and I felt hopeless.

On the flip side, those that are unaware of how their emotions relate to feelings, may not realize that they have these tools to make changes. However, they might be more likely to accept their reality and overall feel less extreme misery. There is something comforting about not being able to make a change and dismissing the overall responsibility.

For me, reading and trying meditation was the education that I needed.
It has worked for me and for d18. Both of us fighting our unique battles with "depression" and anxiety.
I think women may have more challenges as it relates to the chemical balance in all of this. D18 and I work with the same principles with meditation, but her challenges differ from mine and she has to use different practices than I, but we get to the same calm and awareness of ourselves.

I was unaware of my emotions. My W called me out for being depressed throughout the marriage. It was due to my lack of emotional expressions and inability to say what I was feeling. I did not believe tat I was depressed.
After being nagged, I tended to blow up. Not out of anger, but frustration and desperation because I could not adequately express myself. She saw it as anger and danger.

After the BD, I was completely aware of my emotions.
I worked to convince my IC that I was depressed.
He did not bite, bless his soul, and continued to work with me on my behaviors and responses.
Took me over a month to get him to tell me, maybe I was depressed, but that I would need to get a diagnosis from a psychiatrist.... I was then afraid that it was true and focused on changing my behaviors....I was not depressed....I just did not know how to handle these anxiety attacks which were new to me and the overall feeling down.

So IMHO, depression is a tricky thing and may be called out far to often, and even the clinically depressed folks that recover, do so through treatment to include meds and CBT.
Cognitive BEHAVIOR therapy.
Interesting right?

Is ignorance really bliss? Perhaps those people also feel less joy.

I used to think so.
My W was the happiest go lucky person in my eyes....
This last year has shown me another side to it all.
She is certainly in a depressive state.
Others that have known us both and some that knew her before I did have expressed another side.
One of unhappiness, even before we married.
Possible depression.
Mood swings from happy to upset.
Never cried, accept less than a handful of times when it was anger that drew out the tears.
She has been described to me by folks as unhappy and sad.
I said WTF!? Why did no one tell me this before?
Anyway, my point is, she is living in ignorance right now......
There is no bliss.
And I worry for her.

My thoughts........