No fighting this weekend -- it was LOVELY. My Guy is LOVELY. He had kind of bugged out on some things he said he was going to do four times in two weeks, which is what all the arguing was about.
The fight shifted something on both sides, I think. I let go a bit and he stepped up a bit and between us I think it's become something more grounded than it was before.
The argument last weekend was enormously helpful. He said what he had to say about me, and he was right. I said what I had to say about him and I was right too. We opened up to one another in some really personal ways after we sorted that all out and then it was like we relaxed into each other. Things are different now.
Saying ILY did open some cans of worms for sure on his side which made me twitchy. My S8 has also been asking My Guy a few questions that made My Guy worry he was making a commitment to the kids that he didn't know if he'd be able to honor, which brought up some FOO issues for him. Well, he seems to have gotten his head around those, because how this weekend went, he made it pretty clear that he's OK with committing.
We had so much fun. Just family type fun, but still... He's the best thing to ever happen to me.
On my side... You weren't around for my original sad tale of BD, Don, but basically I executed a cross-country move for my ex, and while we were separated (before I moved East) he initiated the affair that ultimately was the tipping point in ending our marriage. I found that out just a few months after I arrived on the east coast, when I had no friends to speak of or family within 600 miles. I found it out when his AP's baby daddy sent me screen shots of their text conversations, which were very, very explicit. While I was going through all that, before I told anyone what was going on (because Mr. Fantastic promised we'd go to counseling and make everything all right), my parents announced they were moving out of driving distance of me, and when I said I wished they wouldn't my mother said "Why should you care?" When I finally told them what was going on they berated me for being too emotional for Mr. Fantastic's comfort. Then Mr. Fantastic announced "this isn't what I want," but then... He didn't leave. I finally had to throw him out -- be the strong one to take a necessary and inevitable action that I never wanted. I feel now like he didn't want to walk away from the unpaid housekeeper who made his life so cushy. All this within one year.
So, yeah, I've got some abandonment issues. Which played out in ugly ways for My Guy. He is much more skilled at relationship issues than I am. Fortunately for me.
Next weekend I don't have the kids but I do have a couple of non-couple activities planned that will take me away from him some of the time. I think it was necessary to do that -- I had given up way too much of my life outside of kids and work for him and it kept me from having good perspective. This should keep the drama down and help us have more evenness in the time we spend together.
How is that for an update?
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
