Thank you very much Twinmom, Ciluzen, HaWho and AndrewP. The more I read everyone else sitch, the more I realise my H doesn't do any of these crazy things that MLC people do. All I know is that we lost his mum tragically 7 years ago, my H got depressed but never though professional help. Yes he told me he wasn't well, but would later told me he was fine and carried on being happy. When I finally made the appointment to the doctors, he never returned their call for a meeting. Then he blamed me because I should have gone with him! He didn't make the appointment with the counsellor. His sister did make an appointment for him and went with him for the first one but he dropped going there two months later. Yes I blame myself for not seeing how bad he was because he would say that he was fine and to be honest at the time I was dealing with a toddler and a newborn and was back at work full time. Yes I regret not helping him, but I also hate him as he never helped me and was going out a lot despite me asking me not too! One of our common friend told me (he has known H since he was a teenager) that H was always selfish!
As for the OW I don't think she has a bad version of H because he does a lot with her than he has ever done with me, but then again when we were together we were struggling financially, whereas now we both are better off financially!
AndrewP I think you are right I still love my H and I'm honest if he was to tell me that he has made a big mistake I'll take him back! This is what I don't understand and I think I'm in denial because he isn't showing any sign of wanting to come back. I haven't seen him physically for two weeks now as I feel if I don't see him I'll be better and if he doesn't see me, he can't blame me for anything. Honestly I don't know how to behave with him. I'm not consistent I have tried the friendly approach but it is hurting me a lot as I have hope, so I'm hoping going dark will help me move on.
For the dating, I have been to few dates but nothing serious as I don't think I'm ready, I just see it as an ego booster and yes I am worried to be single for the next 40 years of my life (I'm only 41!). AndrewP I can guarantee you that I will not jump into another relationship (although I have been single for 18 months now!). I had the opportunity but decline it. I'm hoping that going out will allow me to forget about H and that I will find someone who will help me to forget H and treats me better than H.
