I feel for you buddy, but I think you know what is going on in her chess game.
The letter seems to be the one they tell us to write to get our feelings out, but never send. However, instead of ripping it up, she wants you to find it so that she is absolved of initiating the final action.
So basically, you have been left to ponder your own next move in light of W's longtsanding ambivlance about the M. If I were you, I'd go back to JamesJohn's post about the LRT really being the ongoing technique. While our hopefulness and faith is what keeps us going, it seems that this hope seduces us into state of perpetual vulnerability and pain. While mutual vulnerability and openess may be a key ingredient to a working marriage, it is a crushing enemy when our spouses want out.
If love is truly a decision--as we contend--I think we MUST be able to detach to a point where we truly do not allow the waivering spouse to control our general outlook and can look past the end of the R. If the spouse comes back with a TRUE commitment to make the M work, THEN we can DECIDE to come back to the M and work to rebuild the R.
Obviously, this is not easy and I could be wrong, but your W never appeared committed to a specific plan to get your M back on track. And without such a commitment amd plan--you are at the complete mercy of her whims and ever-changing feelings.
Time and again I have told myself that even if my W says she will not pursue a D, things will never get better unless we engage in a strict C regimen where both of us acknowledge the hard work and possible pain ahead--but decide this is what we want to do together.
Anyway, be good. It looks like we're drawing some interest for a NY-Metro get together, but I would consider 10 people critical mass. And nothing precludes us from meeting in Peekskill one night. Any plans for next week?
