Not so lost now take 2

[ciluzen]

Hey Rouky! So many questions! I get it; I get to that point, too. I'm glad you're having a girly weekend soon and feeling grateful for sunshine, laundry accomplishments, and a possible pay raise. These are all good things. Find more of those (lift a rock or two)!

As for the "whys"...

My dad used to say, "the whys make you wise if you use them wisely". Silly, but true in a way. I'm going to have to add to that, however (sorry, Dad) "as long as it has nothing to do with the thought process of an MLC spouse". That doesn't make you wiser...its like a dog chasing its own tail. Spins you round and round pointlessly and only biting your own self in the end if you catch something. I hurt myself every time I do it and, even though I think, "A-ha! I've diagnosed his problem!" or "I understand now why he behaves this way!", it really does nothing to help the situation or those in it. We're basically guessing and the emotions it brings to the surface can really set us back sometimes (anger, sadness, despair, anxiety). Let's just say, they take the path that seems to them to be the easiest way to get out of pain...and they are in enough pain that they aren't thinking it all through. Like being desperate enough to resort to chewing your leg off to free yourself from a trap rather than taking the time to try figuring out how to release the trap? They see us as the problem. When we're gone, if the problem still exists, they're going to have an interesting time trying to figure out what the source is ...they won't immediately realize what it is so it will cause all sorts of strange behavior. Hang on for a really wild ride!

As for the dating sites, I guess you just have to be patient. I'm not D yet, but I signed up for a trial just to look over the "prospects" (LOL) and try to get out of my 26 year mindset of not even looking at another guy. At first it was depressing, but there have been a few that made me stop and go back to take another look. If I were to that point, I could see myself actually giving them a chance.

We have a lot to get over. A lot to move past. We just need to be very gentle and patient with ourselves...there really is no need to rush into a relationship to fill the empty space that H left. We should try to fill that with ourselves first. Having a connection to another should just be icing on the cake. Be patient, be choosy, and don't resort to being desperate enough to get out of pain that YOU choose to "gnaw your leg off". You are worth way more than that.