Quote: I'm gonna have a big problem if she is again looking for some kind of future with him. I will state it again here, I don't think I can accept her returning to M because R with OM didn't work out. After 22 years, I'm not gonna accept second fiddle to anyone! That is what has always endeared me to her. She is the only person in my life that has ever made me feel I'm the most important person in their lives. I can forgive her for waivering as she has up to now because I had fallen short of being that person that was so important to her, but now after I made my changes, I don't feel I can not forgive her if she accepts only to come back to me because she tried but could not obtain making another, her number one man.
Clap, clap, arf, arf!
This all boils down to one word that my buddy Hud drives home with me.... COMMITMENT. That is, if the other person isn't committed, this process is tough (if not impossible).
JUST BECAUSE our spouses cannot give us what we want, need and deserve does not make us unworthy of those things. And I'll be doggoned if I'll ever play second fiddle to anyone or thing ever again.
There is something so incredibly empowering and uplifting about "getting" that notion. For the longest time, I thought that there was something wrong with me. Well, there always is, but at least I'm working on those things--as are you. A committed spouse sees the effort. An uncommitted spouse runs.
This goes back to my question on why CAW always has one foot out the door. You see that it's not a reflection of you, but her. I typically find that those people are not committed to themselves--leaving tasks unfinished, big growth opportunities with loose ends that will dangle indefinitely and as a result, they lose self confidence and self worth. (I have a really good childhood friend who could be the poster child for this sort of situation.)
KAW, I DO believe you have what it takes to be a winner. We both know that it's up to CAW and God to turn herself around, but you're going to be a winner in life no matter what happens. A winner makes things happen. A loser lets things happen.
From the posts of yours that I've read, the former applies to you--fair and square.
Keep on winning!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Betsey 
