My head is in a spin reading about you and your situation. You must be dog tired.
You say that CAW's complaint about you was that you were dark on her for much of the marriage. Since you started DBing more than two years ago, you have done a 180 on that, but still it isn't working. Her letter makes out that nothing has changed, from her POV.
It seems to me that you have got to give another tactic a shot.
One thing I am not clear about is the significance of her having to wait a year. For what, precisely, and why one year? Also, does CAW know you know about OM?
OM doesn't even sound like a long term bet. Perhaps CAW really does need to see what the grass is like out there?
From where I am, I can't see more of the same getting you anywhere.
Let's just suppose that OM pulls out and dumps her 100%. In that case she will be thrown into more depression, and will not be particularly motivated to see what is good about your R, she will take it for granted as usual.
But if she were to separate, then she will have a much clearer idea about OM (sounds a bad bet - will he still be interested when she is truly available?) and also begin to appreciate what you have to offer.
To sum up, don't see separation as necessarily bad.
This is not advice, just thinkng out aloud.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
