Cherry.Papers filed "am I making a mistake".focus!

[Phoebe]

Cherry, you are doing amazingly well. That you can let that stuff roll off you this well is just incredible.

I agree with everything that has been said above. SO much of what is said in the heat of emotional turmoil is blame-shifting and projection and taking the path of least resistance. It is so much easier to blame another person, saying something like "you make me feel inferior" (or fill in whatever the complaint de jour is), rather than taking the emotional responsibility upon yourself. It's hard to say that "I feel small and powerless because I don't have a lot of self-confidence and I'm unsure of myself."

My WH told me that I wasn't a fully-formed adult, yet at another time he accused me of always treating him like a child. How does that work? Out pops whatever backs up the WS reaction in that moment. My WH knows his behavior is completely regressive, but then tried to accuse me of the same (projection), or else tried shifting the blame to me and implying that I somehow made him act like a child because I treated him a certain way. I call BS on that. No one has the power to MAKE you feel a certain way.

On some subconscious level they recognize the reality of the situation, but they cannot accept that it is actually their own faults they are seeing reflected back at them. The more outlandish the accusation, the worse they feel about themselves or the more conflicted they are. Bear in mind that I'm not at all saying that I am without faults, nor is anyone here. I'm just saying that if something doesn't make sense, then you need to consider the source.

Him faulting you on not fighting harder for your M is simply him trying to make himself feel better for not doing so himself. That's an easy one, but not so easy to sort out in real time.

I have no idea how you do it, Cherry, but you have been a trooper through all of this. Hang in there lovely lady.

((((((Cherry))))))