KAW,

I sincerely believe that both my Husband and I needed the separation in order to come back to each other.

He did tell me that he realized that I wasn't to blame for all of his unhappiness...and that moving out didn't make him happier.

And he also told me that the time we spent apart made him cherish me more.

I wonder if the same will end up being true for your wife.

When husband and I were first separating, the one thing that I said, that seemed to get through to him was, "If this is what you need. I love you and I want you to be happy. Even if it means letting you go."

Unfortunately, I wasn't very disciplined because I would follow up within an Hour by saying, "Please don't go!"

And if you can say some version of the "I want you to be happy" that'd be great.

I do agree...don't make it easy for her.

Let her see that her choice has consequences.

But don't be a harda$$ either.

Just be gentle, yet firm.

I know this is so very difficult and scary. But it sounds like it's what she needs to truly open her eyes to you.

Definately validate.

If you can, tell her you've been feeling unhappy with the way things are too.

And I think Michele says to even say something like, "Perhaps this is for the best."

But, I'd double check on that first. I think Sage may have suggested not saying that unless you mean it.

But if my memory is correct, I think Michele says that saying, "Perhaps this is for the best..perhaps we aren't meant to be together." Allows the other person to stop fighting against you so much and to begin to THINK about what they are doing.

Definately pull out your copy of DivorceBusting/Remedy and freshen up on it.

We are here for you.

You are strong...I know you can do this.

Sending you comfort and hugs.

Last edited by Phoenix_In_Bloom; 05/12/04 12:13 PM.
PIB