Cherry, Sounds like wh is not happy that things are going according to his script.
Big disclaimer: consider the following advice carefully, because I could be projecting my wants on you.
I have been told the same thing before. And this is what I realised I should have done.
In a calm and civil manner, paraphrase what is said: It seems like you feel I am not working to save the marriage. What do you think can be done differently? What makes you feel that way?
There are 2 possible scenarios here:
A) he goes spewing but doesn't know what he wants
B) he goes spewing and goes on and on about where you went wrong in the M or recently
If it's A), quickly cut conversation short in as civil a manner as possible.
If it's B), listen very carefully to what he is saying. Filter out the background noises (his anger) and see if there is any truth. You should also minimise his spewing because who wants to be shouted at and accused? But you should at least hear him out.
If it's B, and you feel that there may be things that are valid AND within your control, acknowledge. And work on it.
If it's just plain fault-finding and vilifying and rewriting of history, ignore.
It's not easy and I don't know how appropriate it is at this point in time. But if you can take it emotionally, with no expectations, I thought this might be worth a try.
FWIW, the x's spew occasionally had some nuggets of truth. Not all the time tho.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
